Taking Applications

[Verse 1]
Step right up ladies, step right up
You've got a chance
To be the pudding in my cup
Cause she's done me dirty
For the very last time
Lord knows it's best that I leave
Before I have to kick her...

[Chorus]
Now I'm taking applications
Taking applications

[Verse 2]
For that woman
I left my wife and kid
If I just had the time
I'd tell y'all about all the funky little things she did
I never dreamed
Oh, she'd treat me like this
Pointed her finger in my face
Had the nerve to tell me what I could kiss

[Chorus]
Now I'm taking applications
Taking applications

[Bridge]
My life has been
A living soap opera
Problems with Betty, Jean
I've had problems with Barbara

[Chorus]
And I'm taking, oh yeah
Gotta take
Ooh, breaking in some new love

[Monologue]
Ladies, keep the line straight now
No shoving, watch it baby
You'll get up here, just be cool, okay, alright
You're a bad little lady too

[Verse 3]
She's no longer
The sweet little thing on my mind
I just ain't got the kind of time
It takes to keep a sassy woman in line
She talked and she treated me
With such disrespect
Please don't laugh
Got out so fast, forgot my component set

[Chorus]
And I'm taking
Oh, taking applications
Yes I am
Step right on up
If you wanna be the pudding in my cup
She's done me dirty, for the very last time

[Monologue]
(Dimples
Step right on up here, babe
What's your name?
(Woman 1)
Sheila
(Dimples)
And what's on your application sheet?
(Woman)
36-24-36
Now when is my private interview?
(Dimples)
Ooh
Boy, you sure are a little cutie pie
What you got to say for yourself, babe?
(Woman 2)
Dimples
Baby, these women ain't qualified
Won't you just tell them just to go home?
(Dimples)
You step right this way little lady
Fellas, this little long tall fine one right here
Look what the good Lord done sent me!
(Woman 3)
Now baby, I'm not 36-24-36
But do you see anything in here
Badder than me?
(Dimples)
Man, man, man
That's a bad little lady right there
Ooh, you're a jazzy little ole' thing
Ladies, please let her come on through
Baby, come on up here and tell Dimples about you
(Woman 4)
First of all, my name is Betty
(Dimples)
Betty?
No, baby, please step out of the line
If there are any Bettys, Barbaras or Jeans
I'm sorry, I can't deal with it... nope
(Woman 4)
Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute
I'll put something on your mind
That'll make you forget about all those other Bettys
(Dimples)
I.. I.. I'm sorry, baby, I ain't trying.. next
(Woman 5)
Please step aside, darling
Can't you see you're bothering this fine man?
Now I'm about to make him forget about every other "B" in this room
And the only B he'll remember, is to be with me

[Outro]
So step right on up, right on up
Ladies, please, no cutting in the line
I'll give you plenty of what you want
When you want it, when you need it
When you gotta have it, how you gotta have it
And how often you gotta have it
I'll be a one-woman man
I'll be your bridge over troubled waters
I'll be your leaning pole when you're by my side