Suddenly Everything Changed

I stay awake at night, stuttering to speak the words
Of a feeling I can no longer find
All the pain that I’m holding on
Self inflict for a bit like it makes me strong
Am I wrong? Not enough for your love

I used to crave attention
Now I’ve grown used to loneliness
Cause I can’t break my own heart
& I refuse to let you do it again
My dichotomy sits between happiness & suffering
This illness enervates my cheeks, drains them of their coloring

Sometimes I bloom & then I wither
My lungs collapse, pneumonia, it blisters
All I ever wanted was reprieve from these aches
From feeling drained, from the sadness I can’t satiate

What’s left of us? Can you answer with honesty?
I resent you too much for you to be happy with me
I’m hanging on the truth, it’s at the tip of my tongue
I tried to feel something, but I’ve just grown numb

I fear to hurt again, I’m afraid to let you in
I lost myself that first time and I haven’t been the same since
Am I a fool for you, or have I just been comfortable with abuse?

[CADE ARMSTRONG]
I’m a hostage in my head
Cut so deep from the words you’ve said
I can’t find relief
Searching for reprieve

Am I a fool for you? Or have I just been comfortable with abuse?
I can’t find relief
Searching for reprieve