Stupid Lil Me

Remember the days I used to run my plug down like circle back it’s a q short
Days I couldn’t focus in school I was in two wars
Days plain knocked down gin during runouts
Or days I hopped the garden mum told me not to go out
Lord forgive me, I’m doing bad with good intentions
Last night I tried to go to sleep I was too restless
Guarding the cargo we barricade the entrance
Still having nightmares of me being re-arrested
Just because you’re down right now don’t mean you’re less strong
I was down below no hope but I kept on
You take an L you make it back on the next one
I bet I make a rack for every time I got slept on
Me and them don’t chat no more I feel the tension
I guess you can call it growth but I say acceptance
I know my trauma needs addressing
But I told myself I’m too strong to be stressing
But who am I kidding
I know my nigga don’t struggle with his sentence
Same way I’ve never struggled with depression
Huh, invisible pain spontaneous rage
I can make a mil today and I’ll still feel the same
Cuz this internal
It was panda pops and ninja turtles
Then court cases in the journals
Get the drop and you circled
Kill my nigga it’s personal
Hearing people say that I’ll blow like I’m Virgil
42 Zs in the base but I’ve had better days
Girl we gon always fight if we can’t communicate
Ricky waiting by the lake, fans waiting on the tape
My son’s waiting up to play, but I be getting back too late
Stuck in the grind I’m stuck in the grind
I ain’t arguing or lying I ain’t got the time
My chick’s always saying I got too much pride
More time I’m wrong and I know it but my ego’s right
Everyone’s going through something or dealing with something
Keep praying keep your faith and the demons won’t come
Lost faith and I burnt out, studio sessions getting turned down
After the film looking burnt out
Stupid lil me, mum said you don’t use it you gon’ lose it chase your dreams
Coming from a place where it’s just low self esteem
Gotta keep it on me cuz it’s either you or me
Kicking ball while they rapping otherwise it won’t leave
14 years in the mortuary he had to go to sleep
This my real life I ain’t just rapping on the beat
Summer time no water fights it’s stabbings in the street
If you watch the documentary then it happened cuz of me
Honestly you keep the prosperity give me peace
We all seeing things that we was never meant to see, now it never leaves
Mentally you never get over it you forever grieve