Stuck

I feel so far away from everyone else
So damn disconnected, not even close to myself
Try to connect, but I still reject
Thoughts of better days, a miserable wretch
And don't think I don't see the irony
A self loathing lyricist as pretentious as can be
Spending my days writing 'bout the end
And yet I wonder why still I'm stuck in this mess

Give me a break
I don't how much I can take
Give me a break
Before I break

I swear I'll change, but my convictions always fail
I swear I'll change, but every step feels like a mistake
I swear I'll change, but I'm still digging my own grave
I swear I'll change, but the dirt still fresh beneath my nails

How I long to be comfortably numb
While every day is a search for a reason to go on
But I always succumb, to every single demon
They claw and they pull at my soul till I come undone
My vices got me in a vicegrip, with every step I'm afraid to slip
In to the darkest abyss, fully engulfed by nothingness

Is this all there is?
Sleepless nights and emptiness
Is this all there is?
Fully engulfed by nothingness

I swear I'll change, but my convictions always fail
I swear I'll change, but every step feels like a mistake
I swear I'll change, but I'm still digging my own grave
I swear I'll change, but the dirt still fresh beneath my nails

I swear I'll change but every day's the same
Face down, blackout, trying to escape
I'm stuck in a place that I can't escape
Spending my days digging my own grave
I swear I try my best to put these thought to rest
But it's so damn hard, every day's the same mess
All I want is a god damn break, somewhere safe, a respite or escape
I just want to remove these chains, but I can't help but seal my own fate