Start Over

[Verse 1]
Little Red Riding Hood was in good
With the food distribution, by her own volition
Choosing to sincerely deliver
To old folks: succor; also vigor;
Cheese and crackers; salt and coffee;
Medicine to help the heart beat softly
Awfully kind in her mission
Red was (yes) in a head-on collision
With the forces of trouble
Long in the tooth plus stubble. And this goes double
For all little girls: know who wolves are
Don’t be telling them where you’re going, how far
In what direction it is, especially if
It’s the unguarded cottage where Grandma lives
This is just common sense
(with which Little Red dispensed)
Hence, she proceeded on her way
Through the woods to Grandma’s place
Little Red Riding hood rolled up
Took one look and was like what the... uh
What the heck? Grandma got a hairy neck?
Teeth enough to get wrecked?
Next up: wood axe swinging
That’s how it happened. That’s all I’m singing

[Hook]
That’s the story (that ain’t how it happened...) [x3]
I won’t start over if you don’t stop yapping
(shhhh)

[Verse 2]
Wolves got it hard on this earth
Ever the subjects of defamation and mirth
First in line to be out there, lurking
Eyeing ingénues and smirking
Working on a master plan
Trying to get fed about the best he can
Wondering if Grandma got much meat
Endeavoring not to be indiscreet:
“How many them baskets she go through a month?
How does she react when she misses lunch?
And what direction was she living in, again?
Well, you better hurry up and go and visit her then.”
But wolves are speedier than little girls
Barely pausing to devour jackrabbits and squirrels
The wolf arrived
All the rest, despicable lies
All that talk of assumed identity
Let it be. This wolf was indelibly
Wolf-like, forthright too
He said, “Grandma, here’s what I’ll do:
Swallow you whole, your kinfolk for after
Then I’ll keep living, so you don’t have to
Sorry, starving wolf, no choice
To get in the gullet, just follow my voice.”

[Hook]
That’s the story (that ain’t how it happened...) [x3]
I won’t start over if you don’t stop yapping
(shhhh)

[Verse 3]
All right, Grandma was hanging alone
Cultivating the medicine for the glaucoma
She paid rent in the forest. It was inexpensive
Grandma’s house was in the intensively
Wolf-rife section of town
She didn’t mind, she liked a wild hound
Sound at the door: an intruder!
“Is that you, Red? You brought food for
Me to eat?” “Nope, the opposite
No hard candy, no soft chocolate
Just a wolf belly for you to inhabit
And I will need your nightshirt for the next gambit.”
Clandestinely reclining in bed
The wolf awaits (for Red!)
Expecting their usual banter:
“How’s school?” “Fine, Grandma
Here’s food.” “Thanks dear.”
Instead it’s all, “What’s up with the ears?
Eyes? Nose? Throat? Teeth?”
“Little Red Riding Hood, why you giving me grief?
Bodies change as the years advance
Soft features grow unkind to the glance
And hairs sprout
All of it the better for you getting in my mouth!”
“Wow, it’s dark in here,” says Grandma
Here comes the wood axe, swinging like “Yeah, y’all!”
Old woman, come on back out
And you keep the axe. Wolves abound

[Hook]
That’s the story (that ain’t how it happened...) [x3]
That’s all I got, so you commence napping