Stanford Pines vs Reagan Ridley

Reagan:
JR wants me to hide you? Okay, what’s your story?
Actually, I’m done! Screw this! You’re fucking boring!
Oh, you think you’re unique ‘cause your hands are all screwed up?
You have four middle fingers? Woooow. I can’t give two fucks! (laughs)

Attended Backupsmore ‘cause your life took a sad turn
What, you can’t afford a real college, Mr. Stanford?
But I wonder how you coped in that second-rate school
That’s food for thought, and you must have a metal plateful

Our job’s to keep secrets, so let’s ask Stan what he’s seen
‘Cause you vanished and got replaced, just like Avril Lavigne
And then your lab was stripped clean so your bro could sell his useless crap
When you were trapped, your life’s work amounted to a tourist trap (oh shit!)

You pack a die that could end up leading to endless paradigm shifts
But not one would lead to Dipper picking you to side with
Unlike you, he’d never leave his sibling ditched
The Stan of War’s taking off more than your internship!

Stanford:
Before you insult my looks, maybe think first
Just ‘cause you lost one doesn’t mean I’ll let you point fingers
Then again, no prosthetics could fix your internal damage
Forget your eyes, you just have emotional baggage

Your father never thought to give you comfort or love
So now you’d only land a punch when someone comes for a hug
Kid, affection’s something you need to be mustering up
I’d say reflect on yourself, but your mom does that enough

Who knew a genius scientist made for the dumbest lover?
You can’t keep a low profile when you’re getting under covers
Then you cover-up every single man that has been in your bed
I suppose that’s why they’re calling it Shadow Prison Ex

You went from a brilliant mind at every single task
To a drunkard killing your time downing a different flask
I’d craft a tool to get another Reagan back into line
But you’ve already been strangled by your own family ties

Reagan:
Bullshit, like you don’t also have an awful dad!
Seems you forgot your past, or got addicted to Nostalgia Max
You thought you’d patch the rift, but with your messy emotions
You keep moving away from Stan: Perpetual Motion

Nearly fucked the world ‘cause you thought that his tone was hurtful?
Broke the Zodiac, but you both are still going in circles
And let’s not forget the way you drove your best friend mindless
Turned a Blind Eye to his pleas when he was left blindsided

Stanford:
Hold it! Before you stroke your ego
Remember that your boyfriend vanished from your life when he went in Cognito
Picked your job to bring peace, then you had Ron put on leave
Fumbled in Appleton, ‘cause it doesn’t fall far from the tree

Your biggest hope in life was to cure society’s ills
But you teamed up with robed men trying to swipe their free will
Was it worth all the blood you had spilled?
When you try to play God with triangles, the whole world foots the Bill