Spots

I’d give my life for this
I would die for this
Give my left & right eye
I’d be blind for this
I’d have a mile long smile on at all times
If you knew the words to my songs
They say you hear better when your sight is gone
Enhanced senses
I’d have to touch you to feel how you felt through expressions
I’ve seen my whole life
Beginning about as vivid as the ending
Not too clear, but I know that it’s there
My memories are made up of spots
Some I wish I could’ve kept but they were lost
I wish that I tried harder
It’s too late now, so why bother
Disappointment to my father
Never said it, I can see it in his face
“I didn’t raise you to be this way
What happened to you?”
Not sure, Pop
But ima’ do my best to make you proud before you gone
And ima’ make a crown of razorblades
Walk around the town wearing it while you’re saying grace
In the window like, “that’s God, wana’ see his face?”
Came back to talk shit and tell you to clear your plate
It must be him!
Fuck it, someone’s giving us a reason
And no one else has so we might has well believe him
Tis’ the season to change
I couldn’t learn how to do it in New England
I’m forever this way
Deadliest way
Of living, just got fed up today
Didn’t realize that I took so many steps toward the grave
I was never one to get down and pray
I was always the one that was still waiting on a snow day in May
I have trouble sleeping
I have trouble breathing
I’d see a doctor if the office didn’t make me squeamish
Afraid of what he might say
“There ain’t a cure for what you have
You’ll be dead in less than a few days”
I can’t say that I’d be surprised
Not the way with lately that I’ve been living my life
I drink like I’ve got something to celebrate
Waiting on a phone call, hoping I catch a break
The check is in the mail
With no stamp
No return address
Still waiting by the mail box after all these years
Gave up myself
Gave up on my health
And at the same time only gave a fuck about myself
A walking conundrum
A rum concoction
A not so tall glass of vodka on the rocks
Broke, but I drink top shelf
Can’t drink cheap stuff, liver’s been through hell
Hibernating, made weight for the next class
Ain’t properly train, towel is now a white flag
We were worlds apart
In the same room
Eyes looked like someone set fire to Neptune

She said if you asked the universe
For something it would hear you
She starts to second-guess
Cause’ I ain’t come home yet
Her neck is in a lot of pain
From staring up at God
And she starts to cry
Cause’ she hates to be wrong
And she never was, except this one time
The one time when she needed to be right
And I watch
From an undisclosed location
Trying to get drunk
While trying to figure out
Just what I was thinking