Sponsor Me

[WIFE, spoken]
Honey, it's 3:00 in the morning. Do you still have writer's block?

[HUSBAND, spoken]
Yes, damn it
Unless I finish this commercial, I'm never going to make it, and you'll never respect me

[WIFE, spoken]
Oh, can't you just get a job at the factory like the other husbands? What more do you need?

[HUSBAND, spoken]
You know what I need. I need the greatest gift of all. I need someone... like them
(sung)
When I'm feeling down in the dumps
Life is dishing out its lumps
Our stomachs only full of butterflies
No food, no hope, no motivation

[WIFE]
A big heart!

[HUSBAND]
But no creation
My mind is crying, dying to advertise
Won't someone sponsor me?
Take out that checkbook and just sponsor me
I swear that there's a ton of products I can sell
So come on, what the hell!
Just take my hand and hear my honest plea
And please sponsor me

[WIFE, spoken]
*gasps* What's this? A telegram?

[HUSBAND, spoken]
It's from Hit Point Press
They want to buy commercial time on the first episode of Campaign 3

[WIFE, spoken]
Honey, you mean-

[HUSBAND, spoken]
That's right, we made it, baby
We're going to be okay
(sung)
Grab ahold and don't let go
Because there's a sign, and it's shown
That, baby, we don't need to get divorced

[WIFE]
(spoken) No, we don't!
(sung) The ad execs open their doors
A love way more important than yours
You're multi-national company-endorsed!

[HUSBAND, WIFE]
They chose to sponsor me (Sponsor him)
Spent their commercial budget properly (This great song)
I've finally broken through and earned some validation (Earned some validation)
From this fine corporation (This fine corporation)
And they called me up and chose to honor me!

[WIFE]
Change the key!

[The key changes up.]

[HUSBAND]
Honor me!

[WIFE]
Change the key!

[HUSBAND, WIFE, HUSBAND & WIFE]
Now someone sponsors me
They took that checkbook and they (Whoa)
Sponsored me
You'll see that there's a ton of sponsors I can land (Sponsors you can land)
So, come on, take my hand (You know I'll take your hand)
Because shilling paves the road to prosperity
Now sponsor me