Soul Searching

[Verse]
So much weight on my chest, I feel so alone, don't know how to express; the stress in my heart; the wounds in my soul
The past is the past, but I can't let it go, and it breaks me, I swear this shit fucking breaks me
I'm desperate, can somebody come and save me? Cause lately I've been close to the fuckin' edge, so many suicidal thoughts in my fucking head
I'm so depressed and I feel ashamed, popping pills everyday so I don't feel the pain, but I don't say shit, I don't ever say shit
Cause every time I try it's like I hear the same shit
"Jay, you gon' be just fine, you just gotta give it time, find your peace of mind."
But you don't understand the tears that I shed, sometimes I just cry only wishing I was dead. And I'm sorry, I'm truly sorry for the way I feel
I'm so lost in my dreams don't know what is real. This poetry is all I have when I feel deprived, I grab my pad and my pen, and I feel revived
I can't decide what the fuck am I here for, I'm doing what I love but my heart's still sore. I still battle with depression on a daily. I see my own reflection, and I swear I fuckin' hate me, I said I swear I fuckin' hate me
Got a big heart, but my heart's slowly breaking. Chasing all my dreams, but I don't know where it's gon' take me
Tired of being broke, gotta start acting shady. Making dirty money, yo, this shit is so degrading. Mamma, know I'm sorry for this route in which I'm taking, I ain't fuckin' proud of these decisions that I'm making, but I'm desperate for some answers, why my heart is always aching
If you hear me Lord, talk to me, all the sins from my past have been haunting me, I'm so scared of the future so I stay stuck broken into pieces, yo, my spirits all taped up
I came up, but it feels like I'm coming down. Pool full of liquor, swim 'til i fuckin' drown. That's the only way I know how to crack a smile, taking shots 'til I vomit and I'm passing out... When I'm sober, I just feel afraid, I don't know if I'ma live to see another day. I'm tryin' to stand but I feel like I'm about to cave, I'm so trapped in my mind like a fuckin' slave
So much weight on my chest, got me feeling tired. Plague in my soul, swear it's like a wildfire, like a wildfire spreading everywhere. Take a look into my eyes, see the pain, oh, there's plenty there. See the pain, yo, there's plenty there
I don't know if they really care. Where is love is it anywhere? And if it is, yo, it's really rare
Can a broken heart be repaired? Can a broken heart be repaired? Can you tell me all I need to know. Or is it lost in our own despair?
Can you tell me all I need to know. Can you tell me all I need to know, or is it lost in our own despair?