Somebody Has Got to Take the Blame

[ELLIE]
I infantilize my daughter
I'm controlling, I'm a pill
I micro-micromanage
I'm all up in her grill

[KATHERINE, spoken]
It's called parenting

[ELLIE]
I demand that she be perfect
All that pressure, all that fuss
I'm a parenting disaster
Don't you think so?
Let's discuss

[KATHERINE]
Forgive my darling mother and forget each thing she said
Put the blame where it belongs now
Squarely on my head
I'm reckless and I'm feckless
I go and get tattoos
I think it's called a tramp stamp
I can show you if you choose

[ELLIE, spoken]
No no no no! At least she doesn't smoke like me! I smoke!

[KATHERINE]
My faults are much too numerous to name

[ELLIE]
It's awful to admit, but that's the game

[KATHERINE]
Somebody has got to take

[ELLIE]
Somebody has got to take

[BOTH]
Somebody has got to take the blame!

[DR. AARON]
Aha!
It's a single-parent family
So you both are filled with rage

[MR. WILSON]
Her development arrested at the pre-preverbal stage

[DR. AARON]
Or it could be ADHD, ADD or STDs
I suggest that you try Ritalin and yoga and soy cheese

[ELLIE, spoken]
Soy cheese?

[KATHERINE, spoken]
This is asinine

[MR. WILSON]
She's functionally unpunctual, she's raucous and she's rude

[ELLIE]
Excuse me, es mi hija, so perder la attitude

[MS. PERKINS]
She's intelligent

[ELLIE, spoken]
Ya hear that?

[DR. AARON]
But unfocused, barely there

[MR. WILSON]
I think she smokes the ganja

[ELLIE, spoken]
She does not!

[KATHERINE, spoken]
I don't?

[ELLIE]
I swear!

[DR. AARON]
She's wasting her potential just the same

[ELLIE]
It's not her fault if she's too bright to tame

[ALL]
But somebody has got to take
Somebody has got to take
Somebody has got to take the—

[MS. PERKINS]
Enough with all the blaming and the shaming!
No, you hush
The armchair, analyzing and the psychobabble mush
I'm a teacher, I should reach her
So the failure here is mine
She's bright and she's articulate
Her heart and mind are fine
In all this finger-pointing, this crusade
No one thought to check her file
To see she struggled for a while
Since the seventh grade

[KATHERINE, spoken]
The year Dad passed away

[ELLIE, spoken]
Just say died
He died

[KATHERINE]
Oh, Honey, I've been thoughtless and for years
I never thought your anger stood for tears
It's clear to me I have to take the—

[ELLIE]
Listen, do we have to do this now?
I'd rather not discuss it, anyhow
It's high school counselor BS all the same
'Cause nobody has got to take the blame

[KATHERINE, spoken]
Let's wrap this up
Dr. Aaron, I appreciate all the feedback
From now on, I'm going to be very good

[MR. WILSON]
But somebody has got to take the blame!

[MS. PERKINS, spoken]
Oh, can it, Kevin!