So Help Me God

Jesus, could You minister for a minute sir?
The image of your finished work
Is a blur
Spending time self absorbed
Self important
'ye are gods' out of context
Myself is Lord
But if Jesus gives us freedom, then myself's the cord
& wage war against everything that I settle for
Never had something that didn't leave or forsake me
So when you say it & I hear it...I debate it
Your faithfulness is amazing or a maybe to me
But get mad when I negate it
I am crazy
I went to therapy
To understand the error in me
Needed to vent to see the Heir in me
Apparently, my issues with bitterness stem from abandonment
How do you abandon it
Feels better to pander to it
Feelings....they're so stupid
Cuz feelings don't know your future
But they freeze me
& I know fear is beneath me
Everyday I pray for help & scream God do you see me?
If there's nothing too hard for you
Then none of this should startle you
Wave of your hand could break the bond in two
& Honestly it seems as if I bother you
With the same things every couple months
My growth is a little stunted
& I wouldn't be surprised if when we finally meet that You'd tell me to depart from you
Who am I at all to you?

[Hook]
I swear to tell the truth
The whole truth
& nothing but the truth
So Help Me God (x2)

[Verse 2]
Talking to God without losing man
Growing up your father's the 1st Superman
Until you fill his shoes, become a Parent
& you staring in the eyes of the Kryptonite you inherited
Your mother's the 1st example of nurturing
Emotional nourishment
Encouragement
Assertiveness
Now you in your 30s & you don't know how to give
& Because she never got it, you never learned how to get it
As you get older
Women become trophies
A status symbol
That holds the beams
It's so deceiving
Every one I'm on top of
Becomes a mantra
I ain't looking for a partner
I'm still searching for my mama
So, all I ever hear is how I have so much to offer
But my brokenness runs on like a comma
I'm a liar that tends to hang with women that massage my mysogynism
Sing 'I surrender all' but regulate God to minutes
Oh God, this self loathing is pitiful
Chasing after you to get rid of you
Can't admit to you
I be wanting to quit
Filled with memories I wish I forget
I can't repent, the stench
Is too strong for my arms to raise
Life is hard to manage within this Harley Race
But you say that my helplessness ain't a detriment
Rather it's evidence
You left your prints
All that the devil sent, You was next to it
But I don't know
Is it ok to tell You I don't know
That there is just enough inside my soul
To know that You are real, but not real to me
You revealed the voids, but still ain't filled the seams
That's why I get mad when I hear about dreams
& things
When living for You makes it hard to breathe
Maybe this is a storm
Or maybe this is a thorn
I love you, but I'm torn

[Hook]