Smut

[Spoken Introduction]
I do have a cause, though; it is obscenity. I'm for it. Thank you. Unfortunately, the civil liberties types who are fighting this issue have to fight it, owing to the nature of the laws, as a matter of freedom of speech and stifling of free expression and so on, but we know what's really involved: dirty books are fun! That's all there is to it. But you can't get up in a court and say that, I suppose. It's simply a matter of freedom of pleasure, a right which is not guaranteed by the Constitution, unfortunately. Anyway, since people seem to be marching for their causes these days, I have here a march for mine. It's called:

[Sung]

Smut!
Give me smut
And nothing but!
A dirty novel I can't shut
If it's uncut
And unsubt-tle

I've never quibbled
If it was ribald
I would devour
Where others merely nibbled
As the judge
Remarked the day
That he acquitted my Aunt Hortense:
"To be smut
It must be ut-
Terly without redeeming social importance."

Por-
Nographic pictures I adore
Indecent magazines galore
I like them more
If they're hardcore

(Bring on the obscene movies, murals, postcards, neckties, samplers, stained-glass windows, tattoos, anything!
More, more, I'm still not satisfied!)

Stories of tortures
Used by debauchers
Lurid, licentious, and vile
Make me smile
Novels that pander
To my taste for candor
Give me a pleasure sublime
(Let's face it, I love slime.)

All books can be indecent books
Though recent books are bolder
For filth (I'm glad to say) is in
The mind of the beholder
When correctly viewed
Everything is lewd
(I could tell you things about Peter Pan
And the Wizard of Oz, there's a dirty old man!)

I thrill
To any book like Fanny Hill
And I suppose I always will
If it is swill
And really fil-
Thy

Who needs a hobby like tennis or philately?
I've got a hobby: rereading Lady Chatterley
But now they're trying to take it all away from us unless
We take a stand, and hand in hand
We fight for freedom of the press
In other words

Smut! (I love it)
Ah, the adventures of a slut
Oh, I'm a market they can't glut
I don't know what
Compares with smut

Hip hip hooray!
Let's hear it for the Supreme Court!
Don't let them take it away!