Smut

Slip into a cinema and give yourself a treat
Better take a raincoat could be sticky on the seat
Open up you Twisties and open up your fly
Pictures start to flicker as your hand moves down your thigh

If your mother knew what you were doing
She'd probably hang her head and cry
And if she thought that you were whipping the dripping
She'd give you a belt, extract all the teeth of your fly

Munchy Munchy Twisties the shorts are such a drag
Make a little opening in the other end of your bag
Now put your Twisties right down there in your lap
No-one ever guesses your whatsit's in the pack

If your mother knew what you were doing...etc

Ooh la la la la la la la la...etc

Better get a grip on yourself
You better pull yourself together..

Picture's almost over but still your not quite there
John Wayne pulls his gun out and you wish he'd some to spare
Then they turn the lights on and people start to stare
You find you've got a boot full and your coat's stuck to the chair

If your mother knew what you were doing...etc

Ooh la la la la la la la la...etc

Hey, What's The Matter With You? (G.Macainsh)
Hey, what's the matter, what's the matter with you
Hey, what's the matter, what's the matter with you
I'm askin' you, I'm askin' you

You can't have your cake and eat it too
You can't have your cake and eat it too
I'm tellin' you, I'm tellin' you

You can't have your dope and smoke it too
You can't have your dope and smoke it too
I'm tokin' you, I'm tokin' you

Hey, what's the matter, what's the matter with you
Hey, what's the matter, what's the matter with you
I'm askin' you, I'm askin' you