Slow Waves

You tell me everyday
Where would I be without you
Oh, I don't even know

It's the middle of September
I slept maybe for an hour
I have to make a flight by seven
I'll be gone just for the weekend
For two shows outside of Philly
That will pay my rent completely
I feel kinda sick like always
I'm not ready

There are still glass shards in the kitchen
From the glass jar that I broke when I poured in boiling water
I was less shocked by the shatter
Than that I never saw it coming
Ethan said, when we were younger
That weird summer in Columbus
"Things are written so big that you can't even see them."

We are driving to the airport
Fighting about something
I read later it's not uncommon
To not be able to remember
Any details or how you got there
Like what even really happened?
Never really even mattered

And you tell me I'm included
But I always feel like nothing
While your friends whisper about my weight
And how they can see the outline of my stomach through my t-shirt
See my skeleton climb out of my fucking mouth
And start running away from this as fast as possible
Leaving it to some other hapless fucker
To get tricked into forgetting
And having fights they can't remember

I hope you feel perfect
I hope that you stay famous
I hope that your fans write poems to you
About how you truly changed them
And I hope they squeal and preen
And tell you how you're so amazing that they can't even process it
I hope that no one ever knows you

On some broken, rainy morning
Before the sun clears through the clouds
In a sky that is eternally apologizing
Walk alone down to the banks of the rising river
And with your hands in the sand
Dig a small patch of ground
And lie there repeating "I was wrong"
Until either you feel better or the slow waves overtake you
Neither one will happen

You tell me everyday
Where would I be without you
Oh, I don't even know