Slap Happy (Coming Home)

[Intro]
"Yo, it's been quite a while since we, you know, visited this topic, and I've really been working on it. I have, man. Just, conflict resolution has just never been my strong point, you know? It's just, when you do stuff, these fucking people, you're gonna get slapped in the face" Hey

[Chorus]
Listen to my words, welcome to the show (Welcome to the show)
The J to the O, if ya don't know (I'm the J to the O)
I see a whole lot of people, but there's not enough rows
So ya gonna get slapped in the facе (Ha ha ha ha ha ha, yeah)
We got the furnacе turned up, come on in from the cold (Yeah)
Now everybody clap, when I dance, watch me go (Heh heh)
If there's anything you need, don't be shy, let me know (Yo, yo)
But ya gonna get slapped in the face! (Yo, yo)

[Verse 1]
Ay yo I'll slap you across the face when you least expect it
Run up and slap you across the face while you eatin' breakfast
I'll dip my hand in holy water, ask the priest to bless it
Break in and slap you across the face during your weeks confession (Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned)
I'll slap you across the face like Brad Pitt in Fight Club
I'll slap you across the face wearing a steel knight's glove
I'll slap you across the face, over and over
'Til you back up to the edge of a cliff then give you a slight shove
I'll slap you across the face with a velvet locket
With pictures of me and a shrink I've been seein' to help me stop it
I'll slap you across the face so hard, anybody within a mile radius
Would swear a manta ray was belly floppin'
I'll slap you across the face with a brick of cinder
I'll slap you across the face with an operational kitchen blender
I'll slap you across the face with a live chicken
Kill it, fry it, then slap you again with it as chicken tenders, I'm ridiculous!

[Chorus]
Hey, listen to my words, welcome to the show
The J to the O, if ya don't know (Tell 'em)
Hey, I see a whole lot of people, but there's not enough rows
So ya gonna get slapped in the face (Right across the face)
We got the furnace turned up, come on in from the cold (Yeah)
Now everybody clap, when I dance, watch me go
If there's anything you need, don't be shy, let me know (Yo, yo)
But ya gonna get slapped in the face! (Yo, yo)

[Verse 2]
Ay yo, I feel as if ya face was made for slappin'
I'll take you out drinkin' then slap ya face with the card that we paid a tab with
I'll slap you 'til you catch on and take evasive action
And start to slap you in increasingly more creative fashions (Like what?)
I'll sneak up behind you and slap you at the super market
Hold some chocolate milk up to your face and slap you through the carton
I'll break into your car, wait for you to come and start it
Then slap you across the face with the crap in your glove compartment (Hey)
I'll slap you across the face while I'm askin' you questions
With impossible answers, then slap you for havin' to guess 'em
I'll tie prosthetic hands to ceiling fans
Hold you up to em' and slap you across the face in rapid succession
I'll reach out from your laptop and slap you while you blogging
Hide out in the mailbox, reach up and slap you while you jogging
I'll befriend you for years, manufacture my own death
Then when you come to my wake, reach up and slap you from my coffin, I'm ridiculous

[Chorus]
Hey, listen to my words, welcome to the show (Ha ha ha ha ha)
The J to the O, if ya don't know (Hey, hey)
Hey, I see a whole lot of people, but there's not enough rows
So ya gonna get slapped in the face (Get slapped in the face)
We got the furnace turned up, come on in from the cold
Now everybody clap, when I dance, watch me go
If there's anything you need, don't be shy, let me know (Yeah)
But ya gonna get slapped in the face! (Yo, listen, straight up)

[Verse 3]
Ay yo, I'll slap you with anything that you own
I'll slap you with a dismembered chunk of your Tempur-Pedic mattress foam
I'll slap you at the office, I'll slap you at your home
*Ring* (Hello?) I'll stick my hand through the ear-piece and slap you through the phone
No matter where you go, my slaps are sure to find you
I'll get a job at McDonald's and slap you through the drive-thru (Yo, let me have a, uh-)
And when I slap you enough you get amnesia and forget who I am
I'll introduce myself and slap you to remind you
I run at the speed of light, time travel and cause commotion
Past present and future, I slap you from all approaches
I'll slap you post-mortem after cracking your coffin open
Then slap you before conception by slapping your fathers scrotum
I'll slap you in December, I'll slap you in July
I'll slap you across the face once for each digit of pi
I'll slap you 'til you stop moving, I'll slap you 'til you die
And on your way to Heaven, I'll jump up and slap you out the sky, I'm ridiculous

[Chorus]
Hey, listen to my words, welcome to the show
It's the J to the O, if ya don't know (Don't mess with me)
Hey, I see a whole lot of people, but there's not enough rows (Don't start nothin')
So ya gonna get slapped in the face (And there won't be nothin')
We got the furnace turned up, come on in from the cold (Yo, you think I'm playin', but)
Now everybody clap, when I dance, watch me go (But I'm one hundred percent)
If there's anything you need, don't be shy, let me know (Absolute tellin' you the truth when I say)
But ya gonna get slapped in the face (You're gonna get slapped in the face)