Show Stoppin Number

[PROFESSOR HIDGENS]
It's a show stoppin' number
A real showstopper
A show stoppin' number, come on
Something to shock 'em
To bring them a-crawling
A big-time box office draw
With the press and the glamor, we'll kill the reviews
Spotlight on Mr. Ingénue
So fill up your Tumblr
Got a show stoppin' number for you

[EMMA, spoken]
Professor, please, if they find us they will kill us!

[PROFESSOR HIDGENS]
A show stoppin' number
Is something you die for
A real catchy, earwormy tune
An award-winning score
That seeps in and out of your pores
A ditty to make the chorus girls swoon
It'll unify humanity in a thundering chorus
No exits from this Broadway venue
So splash those shiny cymbals
Got a show stoppin' hymnal for you

(spoken)
This song's pretty good, huh? I bet you didn't know I was also a composer. In fact, while I've been preparing for the apocalypse, I've also been writing my own musical
...Do you mind if I give you the pitch?

[EMMA, spoken]
We don't have time—

[TED, spoken]
Fuckin' go for it!

[PROFESSOR HIDGENS, spoken]
It's called: Working Boys: A New Musical. It's the story of a group of old college chums. Sure, they found success in the business world. Still, they can't help but long for the simpler times, back in that beat-up old house at the edge of campus. But those glory days, they're gone for good
...Or are they? This here is the title number!

(sung)
Business calls, I'm up to my ass in shit
What is this business?
Markets are crashing and I'm at the edge of my wits
I just can't take it
When all I want to do
Is spend the day with Greg
And Steve
And Stu
And Mark
And Leighton
And Chad

(spoken)
Ring, ring. The phone rings. I answer it

Oh, hey Greg. I'm swamped . . . with business. Stocks, bonds, golden parachutes... Remember those days on the football field, Greg? Last weekend feels like ages ago

What? Today? After work? On the football field? The old stomping ground, eh, Greg? Just you . . . and me . . . and Steve . . . and Stu...
And Mark and Leighton...
And Chad

Five o'clock. I'll see you then, Greg
I'll see you then

(sung)
All I want to do
I​s spend the day with Steve and—
Five o'clock can't come soon enough
Five o'clock can't come soon enough
Five o'clock can't come soon enough
I can't wait to get home to my boys

A show stoppin' number
A real showstopper
An aria to rule them all
They'll throw us their money at full price admission
The world will come crumblin' down
Hamilton, move over
Your new competition's in town

["GREG", spoken]
Hey Henry!

[PROFESSOR HIDGENS, spoken]
Greg! Is that really you?

[EMMA, spoken]
Professor, no! That's not Greg!

["GREG", spoken]
Been a long time...

["STU", spoken]
Hey boys, wanna toss that pigskin around?

[PROFESSOR HIDGENS, spoken]
Stu! You haven't aged a day! Is it five o'clock already? It must be!

["GREG", spoken]
Come on, Henry. We've got some catching up to do

[PROFESSOR HIDGENS, "GREG" & "STU"]
Working boys, we're up in our ass in shit
What is this business?
Five o'clock can't come soon enough
Five o'clock can't come soon enough
Five o'clock can't come soon enough
I can't wait to get home
To my boys!