Should’ve Been Here

[Verse 1]
'Cause I'm a mixed up youngster in a grown man's world
I'm trynna turn these sticks and stones into diamonds and pearls
I never knew you, but I heard that you was the shit
From every aunt and every uncle, anyone you was with
I got a few memories, but they not that clear
When you laughed when granddaddy pulled pennies from out my ear
Always told me little things that a baby should hear
But then you cried whenever daddy tried to instill fear
I wish I knew [up?] all the things that you had wantеd to do
All I can find up in my mind is poppy screaming at you
For no reason, then my hеart starts bleeding
Because I can't place your touch or your voice
Or the smile on your face
And now you're gone, and there's not even a trace
Just some picture shit
Getting so hard, sometimes I wish that I was with you
'Cause I heard you was a nurse, you balled and loved art
Had a good sense of humor and a real big heart
People always saying Kaze acting too damn nice
But they don't know I'm living part of you up out of my life
Because sometimes I know shit, and I'm not that smart
And sometimes I reap the benefits, ain't played no part
Should've known that it was you looking down from the start
Seemed to hold my world together when it's falling apart
My sister tried to treat me like she always thought that you would
My pops turned to alcohol and worked as hard as he could
I guess I sort of turned out alright, but far from perfect
Plans to be the dopest emcee alive that's on the surface
Life's a bitch, but tends to make me nervous
I thought 'bout service
Drunk swerving, screaming that I don't deserve it
'Cause of you, I'm from VA, stayed away from DAs
My sister got a track scholarship, she running relays
'Cause of you, I went to college, and I got more knowledge
I learned how to kick that game and spit rhymes flawless
Spoke words with the scholarlies and laid with the lawless
But death could never take the breath, the memories come regardless
Don't visit your grave much because you know that I hate
To be crying uncontrollably for three days straight
Can't sleep and getting nauseous off the food on my plate
It's Waverly's own, the queen [Pearl Parker?] the great
This is for you, won't stop until I see things through
Most people get one mama, God blessed me with two
So when the rhyme is all done and this music is through
Then, damn, you know I'm coming home to you
Rest in peace, ma, you know I'm coming home to you
Reast in peace, mama (word, word, word)

[Chorus]
The first time I rode my bike right and swim in a pool
Got beat up for my lunch money just walking to school
The first home run I hit with a baseball bat
Damn, I wish you could've been here for that
Especially the first time I ever said a rhyme or spit on a track
Or got harassed by the police because I was black
I would've asked you what to do, the right way to react
Damn, I wish you would've been here for that
To all my niggas, don't cry or wish to die because your loved ones' gone
'Cause they alive every time y'all niggas pump this song
Work on good and close family and keep it as strong
So my mama's memories can live on, and live on

[Verse 2]
'Cause I've been caught up a couple times with kids on the way
But none of my youngest can ever seem to see the light of day
'Cause I was 18 the first time, 23 the last
Got a [storm?] up on my heart for every seed that done passed
There's baby mothers that done cried and have died for me
For the simple fact they said that they would ride for me
Learned lessons the hard way about playing with life
I keep giving the wrong decisions because my living is trife
Too busy getting high, illin', chillin' out with my crew
You calling me crying and say 'Kaze, what the fuck should I do?'
I try to be a man and tell her, say 'it's up to you
You wanna have my baby, then I'ma see things through'
And I've been scared and confused, shit, more than a little bit
But never have I ever told a shorty to get rid of it
Can't wait to be a daddy, yo, I'm telling my peeps
No more booty calls and alcohol and running the streets
I'm copping 'Tures and baby Jordans I'ma put on your feet
Bugging off the way you try to walk and talk like me
On my way home from Thanksgiving, I'm ready to eat
When the doctor called and said the term, you couldn't complete
Words I wish I never heard, a miscarriage had just occurred
And hindsight is 20/20 that my vision was blurred
That God's blueprint was different, it happened for a reason
And I ain't gotta say nothing that rhyme with that
'Cause when I do have a kid, I'll be there for that
I'll teach you right from wrong, a steel will to grow strong
And be better than your daddy was at making a song
In long run, I hope I didn't ruin your life
My baby's mother hits me up sometimes, I still got the number
We can sip on a brew, I feel the pain like you
I fed you lots of bullshit, but damn, this be the truth
Word, this be the truth (no lie)

[Chorus]
The first time you rode your bike right or swam in a pool
Or got beat up for your lunch money just walking to school
The first home run you hit with a baseball bat
Damn, you know I would've been there for that
Especially the first time you ever said a rhyme or spit on a track
Or got harassed by the police because you was black
I would've told you what to do, the right way to react
Damn, you know I would've been there for that
To all my niggas, don't cry or wish to die because your loved ones' gone
'Cause they alive every time y'all niggas pump this song
So work on good and close families and keep it as strong
So my baby's memories can live on, and live on