Seq III

"How are you feeling?"

"Well."

"How long have you been here?"

"It'll be three months May 17th."

"And what brought you here?"

"That's difficult to answer."

"Would you give me some idea?"

"Offhand I can't."

"Whose idea was it that you come here?"

"My psychiatrist."

"And what happened that ended up with your being here in the hospital?"

"The psychiatrist decided that this was the situation for me."

"Did he tell you why?"

"No, the psychiatrist did not."

"Has anybody told you why?"

"No."

"Have you any idea why?"

"Yes."

"And what is that?"

"I'm not completely like other peoplе."

"What do you mean by that?"

"People dislikе me because I'm not completely like them."

"In what way are you different?"

"I am trying to do with my life something which few people try to do, and this influences my thinking and consequently my actions."

"What is it you're trying to do with your life?"

"Play the piano for people."

"I'm not clear at all. How is it that playing the piano for people has eventually resulted in your being here in the hospital?"

"I sit differently when I play the piano. And when I am away from the piano I occasionally look differently from other people. And this has caused dislike from people."

"They dislike you because you sit differently at the piano?"

"Yes."

"In what way do you sit at the piano that people would dislike you?"

"I cannot describe an illustration of how I sit."

"And I can't imagine it, that it would make people angry at you, or at least dislike you. How do you know they dislike you?"

"My father does, and doctors do. Because of the way I appear in relation to the way I sit at the piano and occasionally stand when I'm away from the piano, because of the way I sit at the piano."

"How do you stand when you're away from the piano, that they dislike you?"

"I can't describe an illustration."

"Does it feel to you any different from the way other people stand?"

"Yes, it feels different."

"In what way?"

"It . . . this is becoming too involved to describe."

"Would I be right in assuming then that you don't feel that you belong in the hospital, but that other people did feel that?"

"As soon as I express the belief that I do not belong in this hospital, which is a mental hospital, then those who dislike me want to find a worse place for me."

"I'm not sure I understand. Could you make that clearer?"

"No."

"Is this a way of-"

"A hosp- yes I can. As soon as I express the belief that I do not belong in this mental hospital, then those who dislike me want to find a hospital where the living conditions are not as good as this."

"But why are you in the hospital in the first place? I'm not clear."

"Because I am working to do something which, in my life which most people do not do. This influences my thinking and occasionally my actions. And a psychiatrist has noticed this and dislikes-"

"What has he noticed?"

"-the actions, and the thinking, and has decided that I should be here. To change them."

"What actions?"

"How I talk, and how I look, right at this moment."

"And how would you describe the way you're talking and looking right at this moment?"

"As other people talk, and that this moment. However I've been told that it's not the way other people talk and look."

"Have you any idea in what way it's not like others?"

"No, because I believe it is as other people talk."

"So then from your point of view, not from other peoples' point of view, from your point of view, you look, you talk, you think, you behave as other people do. You're very interested in learning to play the piano. You sit at the piano a little differently from the way someone else might and you stand somewhat differently."

"Occasionally I stand differently."

"Now that, uh, in itself doesn't seem on the surface to be sufficient reason for being in a hospital. So what other reasons have been given to you, or what other reasons do you understand are the causes of your being here?"

"I'm supposed to not be mentally well."

"And what's supposed to be wrong with you?"

"No doctor has told me."

"That's hard to believe."

"I tell the truth."

"What are your plans? If things should go well, and you were to leave the hospital, then what?"

"I need financial help from my father to prepare me for obtaining a job as a piano instructor at a university, where I will be able to teach people how to play the piano. And also play the piano for people."

"Have you had the training yet to permit you to be an instructor?"

"No I have not."

"Have you tried?"

"I don't understand what you mean by the-"

"Have you tried to get the instruction?"

"Yes I have tried."

"And what's happened?"

"I have not had the correct environment for the instruction. Nor the correct financial help for the instruction. Nor the correct instruction."

"Have you been accepted for such instruction?"

"By some teachers, yes."

"And by others, no?"

"Yes, again. It has been about half and half."

"Have you started any such instruction with those who did approve of it?"

"Yes."

"And how has it gone?"

"With some it has gone well. With some it has not gone well."