(self-)destructive

I built a mansion of lies
Or least just a bedroom
But my intentions were pure
Pure as a virgin or two

And now I'm knocking it down
APD wrecking crew
I got in over my head
Tongue first in oceans of you

I swore it wasn't the same
I'll never shoulder the blame
But yet again I remain safe
Watching identical flames

I did it all to myself
But I'm not really in pain
The smoke is bad for my health
But it's a small price to pay

You see my problem is this
I woke up like this
Covered in his piss
'cause I wanted to impress

And all I really regret
Is that I meant what i said
But somehow planned it ahead
Before I got into bed

You see it happens
Automatically
Before I realize what I'm saying
Words are burying me

I know it's my responsibility
But when I think of what I said
It feels so foreign to me
Like someones got control over me