Scene 6: The Salon

MUSIC 5A: USNAVI'S DANCE LESSON

(The ladies are packing.)

[DANIELA]
You know me, I don't like to talk about nobody, pero...oye esto!

[CARLA]
Dani, don't! My pastor told me gossip is a sin.

[DANIELA]
Jesus, perdóname. Gladys went behind my back for a ten dollar hairdo and guess what she found in her extensions? Una cuaracha. One of the big ones, with wings.

(NINA enters.)

[NINA]
Hey, ladies...

[DANIELA]
Entre mija!

[CARLA]
Mira quién es!

[VANESSA]
Hells yeah, she's back!

[NINA]
(To VANESSA.)
I called you all morning

[VANESSA]
Guess who confiscated my phone? Next fall, put me in your suitcase and take me with you.

[NINA]
(To DANIELA.)
Mind if I steal Vanessa for a minute?

[DANIELA]
And what are we, chopped chuletas?

[CARLA]
Pobrecita, you need a makeover.

[NINA]
I have to go help my mom...I'll see you at dinner?

[DANIELA]
I'll be packing. Tomorrow we close that door forever!

[NINA]
Oh no.
(Sits.)
Alright, ten minutes.

[DANIELA]
Can you believe the salon's moving to the Bronx.

[VANESSA]
Gettin' out the barrio and headin' into the hood.

[DANIELA]
(To NINA.)
They keep raising the rent, what can I do?

[NINA]
Man, now who's going to mess up my highlights?

[DANIELA]
Ungrateful! I mess up your highlights at a discount price. And if you come visit in the Bronx, free eyebrow waxing!

[NINA]
You're the only person who touches these brows.

[DANIELA]
So I see. Tweezers!
(VANESSA hands her the tweezers.)

[CARLA]
Ay pero, what happened to these curls? You need some hair gel mami.

MUSIC 6: NO ME DIGA

[NINA]
Oh god, do not make my hair all crunchy!

[DANIELA]
You have to accept hair gel into your life!

(sung)
[DANIELA]
Gorgeous!

[CARLA]
Linda!

[CARLA/DANIELA]
Tell me something I don’t know!

[VANESSA]
Vieja!

[DANIELA]
Sucia!

[CARLA]
Cabrona!

[CARLA/VANESSA/DANIELA]
Tell me something I don’t know!

[CARLA]
A little off the top!

[DANIELA]
A little off the side!

[NINA]
A little bit of news you’ve heard around the barrio!

[ALL]
Tell me something I don’t know!

[DANIELA]
Bueno
You didn’t hear it from me!
But some little birdie told me
Usnavi had sex with Yolanda!

[NINA/CARLA]
No me diga!

[VANESSA]
Ay, no! He’d never go out with a skank like that!
Please tell me you’re joking!

[DANIELA]
Okay!
Just wanted to see what you’d say!

[CARLA]
Oh ho, Dani!

[CARLA/NINA/DANIELA]
Tell me something I don’t know!
(at Vanessa)
Mmm-hmm-mmm…

[VANESSA]
What? I don’t care!

[ALL]
Ay, bendito!

[DANIELA]
So, Nina, I hear you been talking to Benny

[NINA]
And what do you hear?

[DANIELA]
I hear plenty!
They say he’s got quite a big… taxi!

[CARLA/VANESSA]
No me diga!

[NINA]
Okay! I don’t wanna know where you heard all that!

[CARLA]
I don’t think I know what you mean…

[DANIELA]
Carla! He’s packing a stretch limousine!

(CARLA gets it. They all laugh.)

[VANESSA/DANIELA/NINA]
Tell me something I don’t know!

[CARLA]
Long as he keeps it clean!

[NINA/VANESSA/DANIELA]
Ay dios mio!
(The women hoot and holler.)

[DANIELA]
Nina, seriously, we knew you’d be the one to make it out!

[VANESSA]
I bet you impressed them all out west;
You were always the best, no doubt!

[CARLA]
We want front row seats to your graduation—

[DANIELA]
They’ll call your name—

[DANIELA/CARLA/VANESSA]
And we’ll scream and shout!

(They cheer for NINA. The music stops.)

[NINA, spoken]
You guys, I dropped out.​

[DANIELA/CARLA/VANESSA]
No me diga?!

[NINA]
I should go.​

(She exits.)

(spoken)
[DANIELA]
That’s a shitty piece of news.​

[CARLA]
That girl never quit anything.​

[DANIELA]
Muchacha never got a B!

[VANESSA]
She got a C in gym once. I had to talk her off the fire escape.

[DANIELA]
Maybe the pressure cooker couldn't take it and pah, the lid flew off!

[VANESSA]
But why? What the hell happened?

(sung)
[DANIELA]
I don’t know…

[DANIELA/CARLA]
I don’t know

[DANIELA]
I don’t know...

[CARLA/VANESSA]
Tell me something I don’t know!

[ALL]
Qué sé yo?