Scared

I got

A part of me broken

I’m guarding myself
From the scars I’m exposing

Harder to feel I’m at peace
With My heart in the open

Harder to breathe
Through the sparks of weed
But it’s help
When i harbor commotion

As a Spartan
I need to be hard as can be
But it hurts
To discard my emotions

Pressed for the bottle that caught
The tears off me quietly
Fear of sobriety
Years of the tyranny
Clear as a day with no thunder
Here I am tryna be

The calm before the storm

I’m constantly at war

I stand for me dеnying blame
But never lеarn to build

Understandably while hiding pain
I never learn to heal

With
The phantom of my lies
Will haunt my brain until revealed

And until my bed is made
I’ll spend these days
With waves of guilt

From the
Pit of confinement
I could see the spots of truth

By just
Digging through my dirt
You’ll see a heap of toxic roots

See the purity is gone
And Insecurity run loose

With every issue that arises
It’s get buried in excuse

Inside my soul

I pray my body don’t turn cold
Before i learn to face my problems
I pray someday I gain control

Take me as i am
I been flawed
Hold my hand
Don’t let me fall

I been scared for my whole life
Scared, scared for my whole life
Scared for my whole life
Scared for my whole life
Scared for my whole life
Scared, scared for my whole life

Scared of commitment

Scared that these women
Might destroy the inner wiring
Of our future
In this shared existence

Scared of addiction

Scared that my usage
And abuses in my plight
Could send me right back
To my doomed position

Scared of decisions

Scared that the
Pressures that consumes
Me in the night
Gon push this knife
End my truth
This instant

Scared of assistance

Scared that me asking you for help
Gon show my weaknesses
While my pride
Gon make me move against it

I wear this mask out daily
I keep my feelings silent
I scream to show my strength
I don’t like being violent
I hate that fact I’m hardened
Can’t even get emotional
Don’t try open up to me
I’m just gon fucking ghost you

Don’t say you proud of me
That’s just gon jam me up
If it start crying
Do that mean I’m still not man enough

And All this time
My pain rejected all the years
Was just an effort to find greatness
And acceptance amongst my peers

Take me as i am
I been flawed
Hold my hand
Don’t let me fall

I been scared for my whole life
Scared, scared for my whole life
Scared for my whole life
Scared for my whole life
Scared for my whole life
Scared, scared for my whole life

Scared that

Scared of affection

You say that we should be together
But i mess round with these hoes
Cause you not leaving me

Scared of acceptance

My family passing and I’m Acting
Like they death ain’t even phase me
As of recently

Scared of progression

Knowing that growth
Can being uncomfortable
I choose to stay as stagnant
As i need to be

Scared of the questions

That could dispel the waves
Of trauma in my body
That’s been warring
With my frequently

Due to the fear
I try perpetuating strength
In hopes it’s mask away the weakness
That’s been desecrating since

And with God
Who barely speak

Scared of the distance

I watch you grow out of yo trauma

Scared of progression

Scared of

Scared of distance

Cathartic explosions
I’ve guarded myself from
The harbored commotion

Harder to feel I’m at ease
With my heart in the open

Harder to breathe
In a garden of weeds
Let alone
Lead my heart w/ emotion

If the scars on my seams
Get to large in my Genes
Then my seeds
Will be barred with necrosis

Death to the bottle
The caught the tears off me quietly
Fear of sobriety
Year of the Tyranny
Clear as day with no Thunder
Here am I’m tryna to be

The Calm before the storm
My momma as warned

That the man who
Stands behind his shame
Is thrown beneath the blade
That man who tries denying pain
Is lonely and afraid
The phantom of my Iris
Is ghost from which i came
I descended from a violence
Mixed with hopelessness and rage

From the pit of my confinement
Im bequeathed a flash of signs
Through the Easel of my paintings
Grew a Cistine chapel mind
Writing 16’s in my momma house
Since 15 all this time
Was the closest shit to freedom
From these demons that reside

Inside my
Soul

I pray my body
Don’t turn cold

I hope learn
To face my problems

I pray i never lose control

Take me as I am
Cause i been flawed
Hold my hand
Don’t let me fall

I been scared
For my whole life