Sayaka’s Lullaby

[Verse 1: Scott SK Miller]
I wonder what I could say to make it better
I wonder why all the time, will it let up?
I've cried so many nights. I've felt so fed up
And I've loved you more than I can describe with these letters

Sayaka, they sent you home to die
Literally!
Told me and mom "Enjoy the time"
You kidding me?
Anencephaly, but not a reasoning why
We did everything right, but still Saiya died
And you survived. But the damage was done
Brain injury, type of shit you don't come back from
What do we do now? Where do we go
Never felt so alone, but you needed me even more

What a feelin'. Emotions been a mess
Me and mom fightin', stressin', under duress
Fuckin' clutchin' my chest, tryna figure what's best
I never been through anything quite like this
Ever. And I start to question me
How do I provide for your needs and disability?
Is it even in me? Can I even do this?
I have to find a way. Somebody lead me through this

[Verse 2: Scott SK Miller]
You're right next to me sleeping while I write this
I hope you understand these tears don't mean that I quit
I never will, long as you keep going
Then I think to myself, scenarios unfolding
If you pass, is it meant? To see a better place?
What happens to your sisters' tears running down their face?
Mom will be destroyed, and the family left in wreckage
And I'm still writing these fucking songs nobody really listens

Yeah! That's my life they don't really see
Here we go again, making it all about me
It's pathetic. I'm just tryna find the pieces
Be the best person. Searching for a reason

Then you smile

They said you never would
It all changes
The feeling in the room
The feeling that we could take it day by day
Six months later, and you're still home safe with dad