Santa’s On a Diet

Santa's on a diet. Now, he has to eat shit instead of those stupid candy canes

It all started when he accidentally sat on one of his elves and farted and turned him into smelly elf soup. As punishment, he was forced into exile to a San Fernando Valley health spa, where they forced him to take off his clothes and embarrass him and degrade him in front of his reindeer, who fled in confusion and horror into the sky. Luckily, his famous white beard was long enough to cover his tiny penis, which had gone soft in the cold shower

Everyone had to leave the steam room so Santa would have room to sit down. Some idiot threw him a medicine ball, but it bounced off his belly and knocked down the wall like the Battle of Gettysburg and the Battle of the Bulge

When he got home, nobody recognized him. Instead of a chimney, he could fit through a keyhole like a skeleton key!