Santa Claus is Coming With Guns

J Pee baby

Hello little Timmy
I have your Christmas List
Here in my sack is your every wish
You want a new dirt-bike & a jet-ski
Love & safety for your family
Timmy, you're so thoughtful
OMG

That's why you need a--

[Chorus 1]
GUN!
Cuz you need to protect your family Timmy
People are out to kill you-
GUN!
If you love them like you say you do
This is the gift for you-
GUN!
The only way to stop bad guys with guns
Is good guys with-
GUNS!
And you're a good guy, Timmy
So you need one!

Hello little Sarah
You seem like a sweet girl
Thank you for the cookies
Your baking is
NUTS!
I see on your list
You like education
Brand new backpack and a calculator
I think school is great, don't get me wrong
But Sarah
Books will not protect you from a--

[Chorus 2]
GUN!
Cuz your classmates are fucking crazy
And all of them have guns
That's why I bought you an AK for your safety
So you'll never have to run-
GUN!
Your great, great, great grandfather died so you could have one-
GUN!
If you don't like freedom you can get on a boat back to ENGLAND!

Hello little Jamie
What a lovely first name
Are you a boy or a girl?
How androgynous!
It says that you want tickets to the cinema
I wouldn't recommend that without a--

[Chorus 3]
SNIPER!
Cuz these lunatics hate movies
Cuz they never had a date night-
SNIPER!
Sit in the very back row please
Watch the movie through the scope!

Hello little Teddy
You have a house to defend
I give you man's best friend-

RIFLE!
RIFLE!
RIFLE!
RIIIIFFLLEEE
(high note)

Mommy, you get an uzi
Daddy, you get a Glock
Grandma, it's a cold war outside
You better bundle up--

(J Pee and family accidentally shoot Santa)