Rule Them All

I want you to tell me how I keep myself out of Hell's reach
Crushin' whole hordes with an army at Helm's Deep

Spit stain, this is Int's way
I'm searching for first light on the fifth day

Plus my delay has got a little captcha
For Gandalf the Gray to bring life rapture

Shire-retired, this is my pasture
If you didn't catch it then rewind faster

Separate words from the sentence itself
I pack double meanings like bread from the elves

Arrested development (See what I mean (handcuffs locking))
My hydrogen element separates the Fellowship

A long way from home, the measurement's evident
The carrier's barriers impress the impediment

See what I'm saying; hear for three cheers
They ransacked the forest, peers of Treebeard

The ultimate warrior; trust that I'm marching on
Body slam Bilbo, suplex Saruman

Western riders passed the black gate
But can't find their way through the path of that maze

Never been foolish, true until the fall
One (brings), one (king), one ring to rule 'em all

(Nah, not me (pencil writing)) Check your scorecard
Twelve elven rangers sniping your force hard

Ah (hhh) Floorboard a warlord
With plenty of more swords stored up at Sourceforge

Long walk, signed for a short tour
Return of the king, army from the north shore

Scorch the corridor
With more force for the orcish horde to torture Mordor

Plant you in Middle-Earth, coming from the balcony
When I piledrive you up from the fourth floor

The eye of Sauron checks us for the nexus
The string behind the ring that barely holds the necklace

My death penalty is wreckless
From the Shire to Gondor, Rohan, and Texas

My guess is excess
Never tell forbidden Hell to repel the elves' temptress