Rooster Teeth Throwdown: Achievement Hunter

[Announcer (Jeremy Dooley)]
IT'S TIME FOR A ROOSTER TEETH THROWDOWN!
GEOFF RAMSEY!
VERSUS!
JACK PATILLO!
THROWDOWN!

[Verse 1: Geoff Ramsey]
Well, Jack, it's finally time
To settle scores on the open floor of bustin' rhymes
So I thought of going light, but now I'm losing the gloves
To drop a bearded bitch harder than the Corpirate does
You joke that I'm never around; yeah, I caught word of it
I'm busy running Let's Play, have you heard of it?
It's true, I've been known to flub my way through a line
But you can blame the 50 things more important on my mind
Why don't I waste time with your shit? 'Cuz I'm above it
When I step back into the vids, the fans love it
And I'm representing everything that Rooster Teeth is
Like a frontrunner for the whole Achievement Hunter biz
So keep on interrupting everything that people say
Half time, making content; full time, wasting space
Go ahead, come at me with whatever you brought
Before I slam you down like the bottom of a shot
And rip you up, ship you up back home to your wife
Like the funniest thing I've ever seen in my entire life
I'm lining up a shot and aiming to score
Wipe you out like I'm matching colors up in Gems of War
The OG G is pulling from his bag of tricks
Get a kick out of slick rhymes sticking like they're hot as dicks
The "Things To Do" we do happen to be
Like your career: both of them wouldn't be without the help of me

[Verse 2: Jack Patillo]
And so the foot fits in a familiar shoe
Geoff Ramsey taking credit for what other people do
I built up a legacy in my very own way
So surprise, motherfucker, Jack's here to stay
You stumble through what you build, and you handle it sloppily
I'm building up more houses than Mr. Monopoly
Good luck taking the win with those ridiculous lines
My rhymes are like the asses on my characters: damn fine
I am AH, I'm its voice and its face, so
I live the high life like I'm bathing in queso
I love seeing fans decked out in their T's
Like Achieve shirts, so long as they're rocking the OG
And making the games? You're just a host in disguise
Wasting time explaining rules while I'm off chasing butterflies
When fans join the game, I make 'em retreat
With the powerful use of one word: "Leave"
Get your ass in one video before you disappear
Meanwhile, AH is still neck-deep in the beard
'Cuz I'm here making content, I never get stale
While you act like your Trials character and bail
So bring it on, Geoff, if you think you can take me
You've insulted me for all these years and couldn't break me
It comes as no shock, you can't handle the truth still
The ninth person hired, and the first that was useful

[Verse 3: Michael Jones]
I've heard enough of this shit, my brain is starting to seize
'Cuz your flows got more holes than swiss-fucking-cheese!
You think your personalities are what's making you strong?
Well, I got plenty; ask Max and Sun Wukong!
When the fans rant on how they first discovered we exist
You can bet Rage Quit is always topping their list
'Cuz I can take a piece of shit and give it public acclaim
Like the fame that came from playing The Impossible Game
Mogar!
It's a matter of fact
That I'm the king of attack, winning every type of combat
You're running out of shit to give as a reward
When I drop the other players with a wooden fucking sword
I'm the warrior, I'm happy when I'm hostile
I'm losing shirts, 'causing hurt, bitch—Jersey style!
You'll see me here for all foreseeable years
While you guys will disappear like my chin when I'm feeling weird
You're so old, your jaws are starting to rust
You think you're spitting fire, but you're just spitting dust
I'm the young hero, get me a damsel in distress
I'm the leader of the Lads, fuck whatever Gavin says!
So finish up your fight to be the shiniest turd
I'll happily award you guys second and third
Feel free to not agree that you're coming in last
You can bitch and whine the next time you're sitting on my podcast

[Verse 4: Ryan Haywood]
Good lord, you're still here arguing who's the best?
Well, you're not being efficient, that much I should've guessed
It's really sad you gave your verses everything that you had
I'll be the king of this thing, but first, let me get mad!
The fans were feeling timid when I first showed up
Now if I said I'm walking out, the internet would blow up
'Cuz I've heard what you contribute, and I think it's pretty clear
Your fans are like my kid: they'll take whatever they can hear!
I was the newest of the crew when you were looking for a few
New dudes, 'cuz you were desperate to get more views
And from the first Let's Play, I was making you money
And all the comments read "Wow, when did Jack get funny?"
I'm enormously floored whenever one of you talks
Get your level of talent by dropping fungus in a box
But I guess I should thank you for destroying my morality
'Cuz now I can kill outside of virtual reality
You want a line in the sand? Well, I've drawn it
Step across? Edgar's hole has got your name on it
I appreciate you most when you're definitively dead
Or bowing down when the crooked crown is on my head
When my skull mask is on, you'd be wise to beware
You're all circling the drain, my fame is still in the air!
If it were only me here, things would run so smooth
'Cuz AH only has one problem: you!

[Verse 5: Gavin Free]
Oh, come off it! You must be having a laugh
I'm seeing shit lines, weak rhymes all over the gaff!
A difficult question for our fans would be
A million dollars, but all your content would be without me
See, I came in as a fan, walked out as a star
I take the wheel in vids, why even bother with a car?
The glaring problem that I'm seeing with you boys is
You're not good enough to be famous for bird noises!
I'm just better, I think you get the gist
You're just a bunch of kids, I'm a scientist
People churn out GIFs with everything that I do
You can barely run a channel while I'm juggling two!
Slowing down the chaotic adds some beauty to it
When I slow you down—eh, you still look like shit
But I actually like that you're lyrically lame
That low quality will give me even more frames!
I'm more famous than all of you combined, so suck it
Talent so small, it could fit inside a bu-cket!
Rhymes are on target, and they're looking good
Gavvy's hitting more bullseyes than Mark Nutt could!
Be as famous as me? Yeah, that's something you wish
I'm killing this rap, you're all flopping like a fish
I've been saving this truth like a finishing weapon
What you make in a day, I can make in three seconds!

[Verse 6: Jeremy Dooley]
Here I was saying not to add to this thing
And are you finished? To be honest, I wasn't even listening
And not 'cuz I'm busy, I just don't give a fuck!
It's like five tiny cars against a monster truck
See, I was voicing my rejoicing as a choice-cut fan
Before I buried my weary head in all your multi-cams
Then the people saw my vids and it opened their eyes
That just one little man could be way bigger than you five!
You're out doing other shit while I'm constantly in
Bitch, I'm never out of style, just like Rimmy fucking Tim!
Never thought I'd steal your thunder, but guess what? I did!
Dealing insults out like here's looking at you, kid
Yeah, I adored you once, but that won't give you immunity
You might have fans, but I got a community
It's honestly hard not to feel pretty great
When I accomplished in a year what you managed in eight
Every project I've had, I've worked away and slaved on it
Got the VS belt so much, my name's engraved on it
The fact that you challenge me is making me sick
Take your whole channel over with one fucking axe kick!
So the new guy's the best, that must make you pretty pissed
Without me, this rap battle wouldn't even exist
Now I admit you guys clearly had some good rhymes today
But remember one thing: I wrote them all anyway