RockNRoll Theatre (Screenplay)

[Producer:] Is everybody ready?

[Timebomb:] Let's get this show started!

[Dante (Lars Frederiksen):] (Driving) Talk to me. I fucking love it. Fan-fucking-tastic. Rally the troops! Tell them to sign that deal

[Timebomb:] Ladies and gentlemen, you've had the displeasure of meeting Mr. Dante Wilson. Cutthroat, soulless, CEO of a major corperation. Mr. Wilson is in a class of his own. Mr. Wilson has a talent in the art... of violence. He made his first million by the time he was 21, and by the time he was 30, he rose to the very top. But this story isn't about how Dante went up the ladder of success, it's how he went down! Good evening, my name is Tim Timebomb, and this is RockNRoll Theatre.

[Dante performs "We Did Alright"]

[Timebomb:] The day is over for most, but for Mr. Dante Wilson, there really is no rest for the wicked

[Dante's girlfriend performs "Wicked Man"]

[Dante's Girlfriend:] (Drops rose in front of janitor and enters elevator alone)

[Janitor performs "Everything I Need, Right Here"]

[Dante:] (Dumps papers on the floor and presses 'down button' for the elevator) What? Creates jobs, doesn't it? You should thank me! (Kisses at the janitor and enters elevator)

[Dante:] (Scoffs at cell phone) A bunch of jokes. (Elevator cables begin to strain and snap, making Dante plummit to the bottom of the elevator shaft making him screams)

[Timebomb:] Just as fast as it was for Dante to reach the top, he reached the very bottom... But we're not talking about a basement, here. For Dante, welcome to the other side.

[Sekelton and women performs "Sentenced to Hell"]

(Two women open the elevator doors and a third one walks into the elevator and rolls an unconcious Dante onto his back and carry him out on a stretcher and puts him in the trunk of a classic car.)

[Dante:] (Wakes up and looks at his hands back-and-forth multiple times) Where am I?

[Woman 1:] Take it, baby. You're dead.

[Dante:] What do you mean, "I'm dead"?

[Woman 2:] You're like James Dean's Silver Porsche

[Woman 4:] You're like the hand in Mama Cass' sandwich

[Woman 3:] You're like Buddy Holly, Richie Ballad, and The Big Bopper all rolled into one... And that plane went...

[All Women at once:] Boom.

[Dante:] What the fu- What?

[Woman 1:] You're gonna meet the Master

[Dante:] Who's the master?

[Woman 1:] The End All, The Top... The Big Daddy

[Dante:] (Looks around at all of them, still laying on the stretcher)

[All women at once:] The Big Daddy... The Big Daddy... The Big Daddy.

[Dante:] (Passes out from the shock he had recieved and the screen and the first half of the play ends)

[Runnin' Out Of Time (An Animated Film) is played]

[Dante:] (Wakes up to a Satan laughing maniacally at something) Am I going insane?

[Satan (Davey Havok):] No, Mr. Wilson, you're most definitely not going insane.

[Dante:] I'm not really dead, am I?

[Satan:] Not just really dead, but really, most completely dead. Please, let me inteoduce myself, or... Isn't it rather obvious who I am?

[Dante:] You're not the Devil, are you?

[Satan:] In the flesh! But you can also call me Satan... Scratch, Lucifer, Belzeboub, the Anti-Christ, King of Eyes, Prince of Darkness, Ruler of the Underworld...

[Dante:] Okay, okay, okay, I get it. But you, my friend, don't look like the Devil

[Satan:] And... What might the Devil look like? (Satan stands up now)

[Dante:] I don't know! Some hideous fuckin' creature with a pitchfork and a tail!

[Satan:] With eyes that glow... fire red? (Satan's pupils and iris turn red)

[Dante:] Oh my God

[Satan:] A common misconception about the man. The myth?

[Dante:] Oh, God (Puts head in hands)

[Satan:] Lucifarian Legend... But enough about me! Let's talk about you a little bit more. You have been a busy little boy, haven't you? I tell you what... Is there a sin you haven't commited? Lust, check! Murder, check! Gluttony? Gluttony... Check! You know... I have to tell you, I am very impressed by you. It's been a long time since I've seen a sinner of your calliber come down here

[Dante:] Okay! (Dante stands and begins to rant) Hold on a second! Hold on a second! I didn't commit any of these sins that you're talking about! I only did what I had to do to survive!

[Satan:] And to survive you had to what? Steal from the poor? Covet thy neighbor's wife? (Satan reaches out to Dante and messed with him, the two of them now circling each other) Do away with some of... the competition permanant-like? Blah, blah, blah... (Slams book shut) There isn't enough time to read them all, but you've done such great work for me, Mr. Wilson! (Opens book and begins reading again, saying more sins quietly so Dante can't hear him)

[Dante:] Okay... Okay... I admit it! (Satan shuts book again) I may have gotten a little carried away from time to time, but I never, ever intended to be bad (Puts hand up to Satan)

[Satan:] Oh... my modest Mr. Wilson... (Takes Dante's hand and moves it away from his face) You've got this all wrong. (Pulls Dante down into the chair he sat in at the start of the scene) Trust me when I say - I am very... impressed by you. I admire a man who indulges in earthly pleasures, and indulge, you have. (Satan sits on Dante's leg and crosses his own legs) You, my friend, are my kind of guy. (Leans to Dante's ear and whishers) A kindred soul

[Dante:] No. No. No, please. (Pushes Satan off of him and stands to his feet, which makes Satan laugh) I do not belong here in Hell! And I do not want to be tortured - here in Hell!

[Satan:] Tortured? (Dante now falls onto a wall and sits on the floor)

[Dante:] Tortured!

[Satan:] In Hell? Mr. Wilson... Tortured in Hell? Torture and Torment is a story he likes to tell. (Points up into light, indicating God)

[Satan performs "Misconceptions Of Hell" with Dante joining in midway through the song]

[Midway through the song, it goes animated again and you see Timebomb driving a car with Satan]

[Satan:] So... What do you think?

[Dante:] What do I think? This place is fucking paradise! (Turn to Satan) You, my friend, have a bad rep... And I can fix it! Let me run this place!

[Satan:] (Turns to crowd/camera) This story's starting to sound awfully familliar.

[Dante:] I can see it all now! Everything I have learned up there has prepared me for this moment down here!

[Satan:] (Satan turns to crowd/camera again) I think I know how this story ends...

[Dante:] Oh, really, Devil? (Camera pans from Satan to Dante, whom is holding a woman shown in the most recent song.) With stuff like this? Obsolete! (Dante smacks her reer end and she gasps loudly) Now get the fuck out of here. You wanna run a successful buisness? You gotta cut the fat! You gotta modernize! And you can find me, if you're looking for me, on the first floor: Lust. By the way,

[Dante:] (Exits elevator and sees angel) Hello?

[Angel:] Mr. Wilson! You've made it!

[Dante:] Alright, I mean. This day just keeps getting better and better, hello, honey! How you doin'? Alright. (Dante reaches out and touches her arm and she pushes it back down)

[Angel:] Mr. Wilson, please.

[Dante:] What? Are you a first-timer?

[Angel:] Mr. Wilson, sex if forbidden here

[Dante:] Hold on a second, I'm supposed to be getting off at the first floor, lust.

[Angel:] Mr. Wilson, I don't think you understand

[Dante:] Understand what? I die, I go to Hell, now I'm prepared to accept my fate.

[Angel:] You're in Heaven, Mr. Wilson!

[Dante:] Yeah, right.

[Angel:] This is where you'll spend eternity! (Dante fiddles with his belt to unbuckle it) Sinful acts have no place here.

[Dante:] You said no place here? (Pointing at the ground, which can't be seen because of a thick fog) Sorry, Sugartits, I'm out of here then. See you around, though. (Dante looks around for the elevator which has now disappeared and he begins to panic) Hey! Where'd the elevator go?

[Angel:] (Snaps her fingers and Dante's suit turns into a pure white suit)

[Dante:] What - The - Hell? I'd never be caught dead in white! I look like a Goddamn milk man!

[Angel:] (Gasps loudly and yells at him) Profanity, Mr. Wilson, is not tolerated! (Dante's mouth disappears and he panics over it, too) And furthermore, Mr. Wilson, we'll take care of that! (Dante's hands shoot to his crotch) So you won't be tempted. (Dante is grabbed by the arms by two angels and dragged across the scene and passes Timebomb)

[Timebomb:] One man's pleasure is another man's pain. One man's Heaven is another man's Hell. Isn't that somethin'? One man's Heaven is another man's Hell. And this (Timebomb points at camera) is RockNRoll Theatre

["One Man's Heaven Is Another Man's Hell" Begins to play as the film ends]