Riddle Song

[FLOYD, spoken]
Hey Homer? What's pink and green and flies all over?

Homer? Homer, are you there, buddy?

[HOMER, sung]
What's made a' stone
But's soft like a pillow?

[FLOYD, spoken]
That's not what I asked you! What's pink and green an' flies all over?

[HOMER, sung]
What's made a' stone
But is soft like a pillow?
Where you can lay on top
Or sink down in it?
Where you can git underneath
But it don't crush you

Come on, think now
You better think now, Floyd
Give it some thought now
It ain't hard!

You know; I know you know
I'm a-harkenin' back to a time ago
When a day wasn't done
If we didn't raise hell
And the sun put us under a magic spell

(spoken)
Huh? You're a dumb-ass, you know that? You must be the dumbest-ass...

[FLOYD, spoken]
Shut up! I got it

[HOMER]
Well?

[FLOYD]
Sand!

[HOMER]
Sorry

[FLOYD]
But it's made a' stone and soft like a feather, you kin lay on top or sink down in it—

[HOMER]
Yeah, but that ain't this riddle and you ain't got it yet
So keep thinkin', an use yer brain this time

(sung)
What's made a' stone
But's soft like a pillow?

[FLOYD, spoken]
I done' tol' you already, Homer. I said 'sand', like the Great Sand Cave

[HOMER, spoken]
An' I said, 'Sorry'

(sung)
What's made a' stone
But is soft like a pillow?
Where you kin float on top
Or dive down in it?
Where you kin sink underneath
But it don't crush you?

Come on, think now
You better think now, Floyd
Give it some thought, now
It' ain't hard!

You know; I know you know
I'm a-harkenin' back to a time ago
When you'd say to me
"Homer, are you ready, are you set?"
An' I'd say to you
"Floyd, are you ready to git wet?"

[FLOYD]
I know!
What's soft jes' like a pillow
Made a' rock, carved in stone?
The answer to the riddle surely is the quarry!

[BOTH]
The quarry!

[FLOYD]
The sun beatin' down
On our faces all blisterin' hot, Homer
We'd run off alone
To our own secret spot, Homer

Under the shade
'Side our ol' fishin' hole
We'd each have some worms
An' an ol' fishin' pole

[HOMER]
With school far away
Like it weren't there at all, Floyd
We'd hook for a day
And we'd sure as hell have us a ball, Floyd

Go for a swim
Jes' to cool off our hide;
Float on top
With the sky open wide

[FLOYD, spoken]
All right, okay— I got one fer you

(sung)
What's got a trunk an' a tail an' fifty limbs?

[HOMER, spoken]
Shh, I'm concentratin' on diggin', Floyd

[FLOYD, spoken]
You ain't concentratin', you fibber. You jes' a wee bit slow in the head, jes' like you always was...
A wee bit slow

(sung)
What's got a trunk an' a tail an' fifty limbs?
That you kin ride all day
But you don't go nowhere
Only front to bark, to an' fro?

Come on think now
You better think now, Homer
Give it some thought now
It ain't hard!

You know; I know you know
I'm a-harkenin' back to a time ago
When a day didn't pass
When you couldn't catch us tryin'
To ride it high, till it felt like flyin'

[HOMER]
I know!
The answer to the riddle—
Trunk an' a tail an' fifty limbs!
The answer to the riddle
Surely is our swing tree!

[BOTH]
The swing tree!

[HOMER]
We'd shimmy on up
Like an Indian huntin' a squirrel, Floyd

[FLOYD]
Da, da, dacky dicky da
Da, da, dacky dicky dicka

[HOMER]
Up to the crook
Where we could look down on the world, Floyd

[FLOYD]
Da, da, dacky dicky da
Da, da, dacky dicky dicka

[HOMER]
Out on a limb
Where that ol' rope was hung
High 'bove the water
Waiting to be swung

[FLOYD]
Da, da, dacky dicky da

[BOTH]
Da, da, dacky dicky dicka
Slide down the rope
An' my legs start to pump, Homer (Floyd)

[HOMER]
Da, da, dacky dicky da

[FLOYD]
Da, da, dacky dicky dicka

[BOTH]
My heart starts to pound
An' my head starts to thump Homer (Floyd)

[FLOYD]
Da, da, dacky dicky, da

[HOMER]
Da, da, dacky dicky dicka

[BOTH]
Higher an' higher I'm swingin' along
We'd get to singin'
That ol' swingin' song!

Da, da, dacky dicky da
Da, da, dacky dicky dicka
Da, da, dacky dicky da
Da, da, dacky dicky dicka
Da, da, da'licky dicky dicka
Da, da, da'licky dicky dicka
Da, da, da'licky dicky dicka
Da, da, da'licky dicky dicka

[FLOYD]
An' when I don't weigh nothin'
Light as air, I let go
Spinnin' off an' flippin' over;
All that water far below
And I open up for my swan dive
My spread eagle
My Jesus-on-the-cross!

For thine is the kingdom
And the power
And the glory
Forever an' ever
Through the flashing sun
Ever and ever
Over and over...

Fallin' into that black water...
An' that rock, stickin' up an' comin' at my face
That cold, black grave...
Cold grave...
Grave...

[HOMER, spoken]
Floyd? Floyd, come on back now... It's me, buddy, come to yer rescue. Now you jes' lie there and rest, 'cause I'm about to git you free

Now here's the final riddle, Floyd. See if you kin answer me this:

(sung)
What's strong as a bull
Smart as a fox?
Quick as a hare
An' stubborn as a mule
Kin make like a snake hrough the tiniest hole
Get hung up for days an' turn out fine?

Look-ee here, now
There ain't no two ways about it
You don't have to worry at all
We're almost there!

You know; I know you know
I'm a-harkenin' back to a time ago
When a day didn't end, that we didn't help each other
Kinda like a friend an' kinda like a brother
And it don't matter none, if it's me or if it's you;
There ain't no hole that we can't pull through!

[laughing]

[FLOYD]
I know!

[HOMER]
Hot damn!

[FLOYD]
Yessir!

[HOMER]
Oo-ee!

[FLOYD]
It's good to see you Homer!

[HOMER]
We better clean you up
Before they take your picture!

[FLOYD]
You's jes' as ugly as you ever was!
What took you so damn long?
Takin' too much like you always are

[HOMER]
What's black an' fast an' shiny?

[FLOYD]
Fast enough to make a panther squall?

[HOMER]
Who's gonna be there in it?

[FLOYD]
Lookin' fine an' sittin' tall!

[HOMER]
Straight to Louisville, who will tear?

[FLOYD]
Far away from the toil an' care

[HOMER]
With money to burn

FLOYD
On a hell of a spree

[HOMER]
The devil to pay?

[BOTH]
It's plain to see;
That's an easy one—
That's us!
That's us!