​rewriting jingles for major companies pt. 3

[Song I: Barbie]
Inspiring young women
To sit in a box on the shelf

[Song II: Pringles]
When you take two chips and you line them up
Then you stick them in your mouth
You create a beak, then you quack like a duck
And you choke and you spit them out
AAAHH-

[Song III: Dasani]
When you’re all alone in the desert
And you’ve lost all your hope
The devil will offer you satiation
When you’ve just got to say "nope"
‘Cause he’s offering Dasani!
And Dasani tastes bad!

[Song IV: XBOX]
When Toys-R-Us went bankrupt
There was no place for kids to go
‘Till XBOX Live brought them all in
To call your mom a ho

[Song V: Pepsi]
When sеcond place is good enough
Pepsi okay?

[Song VI: M&Ms]
Snap back to rеality
Oh, there goes gravity
Floating, won’t catch it
He throws and then tragedy
Missing my mouth, bad aim
I don't chew, I tossed it
Then it fell onto the floor
You’ve only got three left
Brown, blue, and then yellow
This opportunity comes
From a vending machine

[Song VII: YouTube]
YouTube, can you hear me?
YouTube, are you listening?
Can you make this number one
On the list of Globally Trending?
Oh, yeah!

[Song VIII: Fiji Water]
Drink the water the natives can’t afford

[Song IX: Geico]
Our CEO is reptilian
It’s no conspiracy
He’s literally a gecko
And he wants to drink our pee
But that’s not in the commercials

[Song X: TikTok]
He sees you when you’re sleeping
He knows when you’re awake
He’s president Xi Jinping of China
And he’s seen y'all twerk to Drake

[Song XI: Max]
Let’s undo decades of prestige
By rebranding to a name you’d give your dog
Let’s resume as if the last two seasons
Of Game of Thrones never happened
That was HBO
Max would never do that
Max is a good boy

[Song XII: Hasbro]
Has bro, have sis?
What’s her name, and is she single?

[Song XIII: PS5]
For the ladies listening...
We were the male version of Taylor Swift tickets:
Really, really hard to get for a long time

[Song XIV: Hulu]
Watch some ads
For a show you already pay for

[Song XV: BP]
We gave away millions of gallons
Of gasoline for free
But we never even heard a “thank you”
From our friends in the deep sea
What’s the deal?