Retrograde

You know what is it like after you die?
Like what do you do on the other side?
What do you do on the other side?

I don’t really know what to tell you
Cause I've been bothered
Bothered, bothered by everything
I'm even bothering me
I wanna practice what I preach
But it's so easier to teach
I just wanna shut the fuck down
And make believe
I don’t really know how to say this
Cause I've been frustrated
I was once filled with love
But now I feel so fucking jaded
In the dark
With my thoughts
It all feels so misplaced
I hear voices
They’re yelling
Better do what I say
So I pace and I pace
Filled with panic and hate
I just keep taking more pills
To get throughout the day

And I don’t wanna share
And I don’t wanna talk
I just wanna keep it
Keep it
Keep it
All to myself
And I don’t wanna share
And I don’t wanna talk
I just wanna keep it
Keep it
Keep it
All to myself
And I don’t wanna share
And I don’t wanna talk
I just wanna keep it
Keep it
Keep it
All to myself
And I don’t wanna share
And I don’t wanna talk
I just wanna keep it
Keep it
Keep it
All to myself

I hear promises, promises
I hear lie after lie
Every time I let someone in
I get fucked over every time
And I'm tired, tired, tired
Of not feeling good enough
I’m sick of always fucking fighting
And having to prove I’m tough
I just wanna give up
I just wanna give in
I wanna walk to the bridge
Until I'm ready to jump in
I wanna sink to the bottom
Till I can’t fucking breathe
Wash these burdens away
Set my soul fucking free
If I told anyone this is how I'm feeling
I'd be scared they won’t care
So I don’t say thing
I just close off
And disconnect
Mumble words under my breath
Give everyone dirty looks
So they know how lightly to tread

And I don’t wanna share
And I don’t wanna talk
I just wanna keep it
Keep it
Keep it
All to myself
And I don’t wanna share
And I don’t wanna talk
I just wanna keep it
Keep it
Keep it
All to myself
And I don’t wanna share
And I don’t wanna talk
I just wanna keep it
Keep it
Keep it
All to myself
And I don’t wanna share
And I don’t wanna talk
I just wanna keep it
Keep it
Keep it
All to myself

You know we live life
Do what we gotta do
To survive
Fuck

Ah great here it goes
Another life lesson
Keep me on my toes
I almost forgot
That trust and love
Are only stories
That man made up
Cause wouldn’t be nice
If people weren’t fake
And actually listened
To the words that they say
Like I’ll always be there
When you need a friend
Like one day I really wanna see you win
Like I’ll always love you through thick and thin
Like I’m always here if you're strugglin
Like I'm on your side
And I'm down to ride
Blah blah blah blah
I'm so sick of these lies
I’ve been through this too many fucking times
It's easy for me to cut ties
Say goodbye
You'd think by now I’m just used this
And I don’t even want
Family or friends
I wanna just shut off
Leave me alone
I wanna be the only one
That I know
It’s fine
I’ll figure it out
I guess I was just meant
To live this life
All by my fucking self

Selfish, I’m selfish
You’re selfish
Selfish, I’m selfish
You’re selfish
Selfish, I’m selfish
You’re selfish
What do you do on the other side?
Selfish, I’m selfish
You’re selfish
Selfish, I’m selfish
You’re selfish
Selfish, I’m selfish
You’re selfish
Selfish, I’m selfish
You’re selfish

You know what is it like after you die?
Like what do you do on the other side?
He’s like, it’s really not that much different