Resident Enis (Video Version)

Enis:
Chapter 54, page 105
Create a hellhound antidote and keep your victim alive
It says to cover one eyeball, and the other one, too

Dodger:
What for?

Enis:
That's what the book says to do!

We’ll need a pile of raisins and a magical word
I like to use the term, 'linguine!' ’cause it's pretty absurd
And once we've found ourselves some raisins, pour them into a shoe
Then flick your ear; that's what the book said to do

We have to iron a cactus, stick a bee in your nose
And then we'll eat a plate of flapjacks, draw some faces on toes
We'll all hold hands until they're sweaty, we'll pretend we can fly
And if we don’t...we’ll die!

[Spoken]
...I made that part up

Here, hold this!

Mark [Spoken]:
It looks diseased...

Enis [Sung]:
Now you take a creepy baby doll and shake it all around
Then you shriek like a weasel while you flail on the ground
And once you've done that for two hours, throw that baby down the stairs
Then we’ll hit each other with metal chairs

Mark [Spoken]:
What? Oof!

Dodger:
I'm having second guesses 'bout this spellcasting stuff

Mark:
Okay, I found a couple tutus--

Enis:
That's not nearly enough!
Next we’ll scatter someone's ashes as we throw a parade
And then we'll sit and have a séance while we're playing Old Maid

Wear a big hat! Drink from this jar!

Mark, Dodger:
None of this song makes sense so far...

Enis [Spoken]:
I hope I have some chickens left!

Mark:
I dunno what he's up to, but it's certainly weird

Dodger:
He keeps asking for toenails--

Mark:
--And a leprechaun beard!

Dodger:
I don't think we should trust him, he's completely insane

Mark:
And all the nonsense we're doing seems expressly inane!

Dodger:
Oh, we should totally kill him!

Mark:
Yeah, it seems like you're right

Dodger:
I mean, he looks pretty puny

Mark:
Won't be much of a fight

Dodger:
We can sneak up behind him--

Mark:
--Drive a stake through his heart!

Dodger:
Do your worst!

Mark:
Ladies first!

Mark, Dodger:
If you won't impale him, then Enis will start a new verse!

[Instrumental]

Dodger [Spoken]:
I might cut his head off

Mark [Spoken]:
He's a vampire; it won't necessarily kill him...

Dodger [Spoken]:
It'll definitely make playing the kazoo a lot harder!

Enis:
We gotta whittle a pickle, eat some parmesan cheese
And then we'll all watch a movie (Oh no, not the bees!)
And next we take out the garbage, summon hellbeasts from space
And then when the portal closes, pull his sleeve up to expose his wounded arm
And kiss your friend's dead face!

Mark {Spoken]:
What?

Enis:
Kiss his face...

Mark [Spoken]:
No! That's disgusting!

Enis [Spoken]:
It's what the book says to do...

Mark [Spoken]:
We did like 5,000 things from the book, okay?

Dodger [Spoken]:
Okay, could we, like, eat part of him?

Mark [Spoken]:
NO! Augh!

Dodger [Spoken]:
I'm just trying to help

Mark [Spoken]:
Okay. Ugh...

Dodger [Spoken]:
I ship it

Mark [Spoken]:
He's STILL dead!

Enis [Spoken]:
Are you sure he's not just sleeping?

Mark [Spoken]:
You have five seconds to fix this

Enis [Spoken]:
Oh, wait, wait, wait! I was reading the spell...backwards!
Okay everyone... One more time...in reverse!

[Sung]
Let's expel our spacebound hellbeasts, then we'll take out the trash
We'll watch a flick and eat some cheese and cut a pickle and dash
Inside to play kazoo and wear a hat, use metal chairs like baseball bats
And flail and fly and paint all your toes
We'll eat some flapjacks and stick bees in your no-- uh, nevermind
We'll grab a shoe to fill with snacks and flick your ear with sneak attacks and scream "linguine!" to the max
So here it goes!

Mark [Spoken]:
...He's still dead