RELAPSE ARC

I don't like when people dictate over my happiness
Bout 6 months now, with my friends fuck dapping it
Yeah I'm still rapping fuck but I'm living so dapper and
I'm sober its whatever niggas ain't never graspin' it
Niggas never would listen when you try to be better
No more givin' into vices selling happy for pleasure
Wish i never grew up idolizing the cheddar
Love so many people but ill never be better for 'em
I'm self centered, thinking that its all about me
That's a problem I could never wish away when i breathe
Leave my presence in the venue every time that we leave
Think i love it but I'm crying every night in my sheets
Then i bleed self harm scars blood in the tee
Suicidal thoughts linger in the presence I bring
The only present that i think is me dead in the breeze
Summer sunlight beating down my head with the trees

I call my mother I'm asking if she proud
I lied to her the other day saying I was down
So she could say she love or I could maybe frown
Or feel something other than right now
The liquor too strong yeah I relapsed
I don't give a fuck about me tell 'em run it back
Cuz every single day I'm smiling holding back an attack
Of panic cuz my nerves is getting frantic in the chat

I would get it if you left
I don't fuck about me or a check
The money fucked me over made me think i was the best
My ego got big now I'm sitting here depressed
Wanna kill myself but I don't wanna hurt you next
I hate every word that comes with my breath
All i ever brought to this world
Was stress insecure, maybe that's my test
Ill never be better so I ain't checkin' my texts

I got a bottle in one hand my life in the other
If it was up to me id throw it all away in the gutter
I know you care but my heart sliced
Through like some butter
Feel like nobody understands what its like to be under ground
Not my with my music but with my heart
When it all goes down
Whos there with me in the dark
Like I'm not sitting suffering dying with all the art
Like this arc don't suck this shit is just getting hard
And harder