Rain Water

A question was raised to me the other day
"Why it seem I always have joy?"
Well, I'd like to take time to set the record straight..

All the joy I've ever known
Has disappeared
- into motherfuckin' thin air
Like it's never even been there
My joy left me y'all

[Hook]
God's rain water flow through the same gutter
That we, walk today, gotta stay brave brother
Keep your lips stiff, keep your fist clenched
At times you gotta kick your way through this bitch

[Verse 1]
And I can't stop feelin' guilty smilin'
A wise man once told me that every cloud has a silver lining
I wanted to believe him but it's a trick to find 'em
When the people around me continue dying
Granddad was in the twilight of his life
When he closed his eyes tight and opened his wrists wide
What make a tenth round fighter with the winning score
Decide he need to throw the towel before the whistle blow
Maybe I'll never know
But I inherited his poetic soul so the symbolism's yet to show
Was life so obscene that death's more serene?
Or was an old author tryin' to write his own closing scene?
Nothing stings like knowing that the woman that gave me this life
Is being eaten from the inside
I thought we never make shit right
I wish I'd have viewed it once clear before you were done here
That's two in one year that I let leave here
Loving me without shedding one single tear
Either I'm one of the strongest people left
Or y'all should stone me for even tryin' to steal breath

[Hook x2]
And God's rain water flow through the same gutter
That we, walk today, gotta stay brave brother
Keep your lips stiff, keep your fist clenched
At times you gotta kick your way through this bitch

[Verse 2]
They say shit's strapped but you all by yourself, ain't ya?
Damn straight, I got a jail cell nature
Been boxed up but I never been settled in
Him got tough started developing leather skin
I learned to make that face that tells predators
It's better to re-assess just who you 'bout to wrestle with
I'm on one like the first kick drum of the beat
Clear my lungs, spit blood on the street
They telling me we got nothin' to fear but fear itself
But I fear I have no human fear left
Some day I'm gonna wanna peel back these calluses
And really feel life again and that's what my challenge is
I been kickin' and bitin' for so long and
When they throw me a rescue rope I'll be too weary to hold on
And see the light, so I sing through the tears
In the key of life, the way a wounded eagle might

[Hook x2]
And God's rain water flow through the same gutter
That we, walk today, gotta stay brave brother
Keep your lips stiff, keep your fist clenched
At times you gotta kick your way through this bitch

My joy left me y'all
She don't show her face around these parts
Every time she come she get chased off
So she stay distant

[Verse 3]
If it wasn't for me squintin' he wouldn't know the sun was out
I hate every word that come outta his fuckin' mouth
Ladies treat him special, don't know nothin' 'bout him
They saw what his wife see they wouldn't fuss 'bout him
He can't do shit right but rap and make babies
And babies need daddy at home consistent
But rap keep daddy on the road religious
So even in my two loves my soul's so conflicted
My son came into this world innocent
He deserves everything that he needs to live in it
And this home I made for him is broken
I'm hopin' his love for me will never grow thin
It hurts daddy to no end to know when
You're cryin' at the hospital I'm out tryin' to rock a show
I made a vow that we'd never be broke again
And I'd never be a burden on another friend
So when I'm sweatin' on my farewell stage
And wrote my last hook in my last rhyme book
When I get my last line of approval from my family
This is the man that I have to be

[Hook x4]
And God's rain water flow through the same gutter
That we walk today, gotta stay brave brother
Keep your lips stiff, keep your fist clenched
At times you gotta kick your way through this bitch

Sometimes
I feel
Like I'm Al-most gone