Quit Teasin’ Me Ed

Hey Cledus, Whad'ya get in the mail?

He-he-he, got a letter from Ed

What's it say?

I don't know. D'you get one?

Well, open it up!

He-hahahahahahaha!

...Open it

I quit my job about a year ago, I'm on a permanent vacation
All I gotta do now is sit back and wait'll my notification
You see, old Ed, he's a friend of mine, and he writes me once a week
Sends me my very own winnin' numbers
I'm practically on easy street
Well, I don't know, I reckon Ed just likes me a little better'n everybody else
I'm sure he's been tryin' to reach me
But uh, I've been out on tour with Garth Brooks. He-hehehehe
Now, you might think pricin' a Mercedes might be a jumpin' the gun
But hey, I got a letter from Ed today that said I may've already won!

Quit teasin me Ed
...Quit teasin me Ed
My kids need to be fed
...My kids need to be fed
I believed what you said
...I believed what you said
Quit teasin' me Ed

You promised me wealth
...You promised me wealth
And a new Dodge Stealth
...And a new Dodge Stealth
I'll check the mailbox 'til I'm dead
...I'll check the mailbox 'til I'm dead
Quit teasin' me Ed

They say the odds are again' me
But I got my own little scheme
Instead of just one or two, I order All the magazines!
I get Glamour, Cosmo, Redbook, Seventeen, Good Housekeepin', and Popular Mechanics
I even got bored one time and ordered The Joy Of Ceramics!
Now Ed, I can't sing or dance, and I'll never be on Star Search
But if you don't hurry up 'n send my check, I'm gonna start thinkin' you a jerk
Well, not really Ed, doggonnit it's been such a long time
My car's been repo'd, my house note's four month's behind
Ed, I don't mean to complain, and I know you're a busy man
But, could you at least send me one of them early entry prizes
I'm you're biggest fan, I swear!

Quit teasin' me Ed
...Quit teasin' me Ed
My kids need to be fed
...My kids need to be fed
I believed what you said
...I believed what you said
Quit teasin' me Ed

You promised me wealth
...You promised me wealth
And a new Dodge Stealth ...And a new Dodge Stealth
I'll check the mailbox 'til I'm dead
...I'll check the mailbox 'til I'm dead
Quit teasin' me Ed

Cledus T., you may have already won!