Quarantine

[Verse 1]
Yeah
There’s a thin line between being invincible & invisible
Living in a digital world & feeling miserable
Convincing myself every syllable is critical
Thinking it’s been a minute since I spit or dropped a single
I could tell you I been working my ass off this whole time
Truth is half the time, you find me on my ass lying
On this couch, in this empty house, feeling asinine
Mostly unhappy, but if you ask me, I’m fine
Every task leads to distraction
Distraction leads to procrasti-
Nation, that leaves me hating myself, & more inaction
How can I feel all this passion & still be acting so passive
Asking what happened, why does relaxing feels like relapsing?
Not writing as much as I thought I would
Not exercising as much as I know I should
Not fighting as much as I know I could
& I’m lying to myself if I say I’m good

[Chorus]
Yeah I've been inside
Tryna to keep all of my demons in line
Seeking some meaning, I need an outline
Feels like I’m going out of my mind
Running out of time
Man I need to get off-line
Feels like my life’s happening off-time
Been a while since I've seen you, hope I’m on your mind
& you should know that you’re on mine

[Verse 2]
In the time I’ve been in quarantine
Could’ve read War & Peace
More than three times, but I’m disinclined, so boredom keeps
Me at this keyboard, & forming these words & chords seems
To be the only thing keeping me calm like morphine
Avoid Morpheus, cos the last thing I need is more dreams
To wake from when mo(u)rning comes, sore & aching horribly
Scrolling through stories on this screen, searching for something more than me
& tapping on these apps to access my memories
Thinking back to when me & Ben were walking Florentine streets
Now I’m pacing these floorboards in torn jeans
Thought I’d be touring, instead I’m performing for these corridors
Feeling like I’m fourteen again
Feeling even more foreign, & I’m
Not writing as much as I thought I would
Not exercising as much as I know I should
Not fighting as much as I know I could
& I’m lying to myself if I say I’m good

[Chorus]
Look I've been inside
Tryna to keep all of my demons in line
Seeking some meaning, I need an outline
Feels like I’m going out of my mind
Running out of time
Man I need to get off-line
Feels like my life’s happening off-time
Been a while since I've seen you, hope I’m on your mind
& you should know that you’re on mine

[Verse 3]
Thin line between being invincible & invisible
Same shit that had me happy a year ago got me miserable
I keep waiting for things to change, & I’m afraid
That the truth is, I'd be feeling useless anyway
The more I try to understand, the more it lacks sense
& people keep trying to pretend the pandemic is past tense
As if we can go back to normal, doing re-enactments
As if every room we walk into isn’t filled with absence
So many lives lost, & mine feels so insufficient
Want to be a part of change, but what am I really risking?
These days patience feels more like complacence, if that makes sense
& faced with picking which path to take, I’m sitting stricken
& crippled with indecision
Cos decisions mean extinguishing
Possibilities that in the distant future I’ll be wishing
I’d taken, making predictions
Bout whether this’ll get met with derision
Whole country facing division
So maybe I should just give in
Writing shit been my religion
What I’ve written needs revision
Revision means revisiting
Instances that are triggering
My thinking shifting back to times when I was slitting
Incisions within my skin & is anything really different?
Making this about me again like I knew I would
Would I want to go outside again if I knew could?
Do I really want things to go back to the way they were?
Would I be happier? Would I be good?

[Bridge]
I don’t know
I don't know
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know
I don't know, I don't know, I don't know

[Chorus]
So for now I’m inside
Tryna to keep all of my demons in line
Seeking some meaning, I need an outline
Feels like I’m going out my mind
Running outta time
Man I need to get off-line
Feels like my life’s happening off-time
Been a while since I've seen you, hope I’m on your mind
& you should know that you’re on mine
On mine