Prologue / The Day I Got Expelled

[LUKE]
The gods are real
Like the Greek gods

[ANNABETH]
Like the ones you learned about
But weren't paying attention to

[LUKE & ANNABETH]
Well, they don't pay attention to you, either

[LUKE, ANNABETH, & SILENA]
Especially if you're their kid

[GROVER]
The gods have godly things to do

[GROVER & SILENA]
Godly places they need to see

[CLARISSE]
Godly plans they need to make
Ugh, that don't include me

[ALL HALF-BLOODS]
Yeah, the Gods are real
And they have kids
And those kids have issues
Issues

[BOYS]
Daddy doesn't love me
And mommy is a god

[GIRLS]
Mommy can't protect me
And daddy is a god

[ALL HALF-BLOODS]
Mommy is too busy
And daddy is too busy
Busy, busy, busy, busy being a god, yeah
You never listen to me
You never listen
You never listen to me
You never listen, oh
You never listen
But now you're gonna listen
'Cause it's time you heard our side of the story
It's time you heard our story

[PERCY]
Look
I didn't wanna be a half-blood
I didn't ask to be a hero seeking praise
Being a half-blood is scary
It mostly gets you killed in very nasty ways
I didn't want to cause trouble, trouble
I'm less a player and more the played
And, honestly, I'd be totally be fine
If I could make it to the next grade
Next grade
Wasn't the nasty breath of my stepdad
It was danger that I smelled
The day it all went down
The day I got expelled

[PERCY, spoken]
And maybe you don't know what a half-blood is, because your life is normal and happy and not constantly in danger. But my life?

Let me set the scene

[PERCY]
We were on this freaky field trip

[ENSEMBLE]
Freaky trip

[PERCY]
That's when this story should probably start

[ENSEMBLE]
Ooh

[ALL]
We were geeking out on ancient Greek
At the New York Metropolitan Museum of Art

[PERCY]
We stopped by all the statues
And learned about the Gods
From Mr. Brunner and my substitute, Mrs. Dodds

[PERCY, ENSEMBLE, ALL]
Hadn't done nothing wrong (Ooh, ooh)
Wasn't rude, hadn't rebelled (Ahh)
On the day it all went down
The day I got expelled

[MR. BRUNNER, spoken]
The Greek Gods! Almighty titans of earth, sea, and sky. But even they were children once. And they didn't have it easy. Their father, Kronos–

[MRS. DODDS]
Kronos!

[MR. BRUNNER, spoken]
–feared the day his children would one day inherit the earth. So what did he do? Anyone? Anyone?

[MRS. DODDS, spoken]
He ate them!

[MR. BRUNNER, spoken]
Ah...Thank you, Mrs. Dodds. But! One child, Zeus, escaped and he devised a plan to rescue his brothers and sisters. He tricked Kronos–

[MRS. DODDS]
Kronos!

[MR. BRUNNER, spoken]
–into eating a rock. And what did Kronos do? Anyone? Any student?

[MRS. DODDS]
He vomited them up!

[PERCY]
What?
I didn't really get the story
At least it wasn't boring as I'd feared
But is it me or is Greek mythology
Not deeply weird?
I didn't want to pay attention

[ENSEMBLE]
Pay attention!
Pay attention!

[PERCY]
Now I wish I had taken notes
But my focus is in question
And gods and indigestion
Caused a groan from all our throats

[STUDENTS, spoken]
Ew

[GROVER, spoken]
Ba-aa-ah

[PERCY, spoken]
Dude, what was that?

[GROVER, spoken]
Uh, nothing

[PERCY]
My best friend was acting strange
At which he so excelled

[ENSEMBLE]
The day it all went down

[PERCY]
The day I got expelled

[PERCY, spoken]
Why do you have peanut butter in your hair?

[GROVER, spoken]
Ask Nancy Bobofit. She's a monster. Well, not literally. I don't think

[PERCY, spoken]
She threw a peanut butter sandwich at you?

[GROVER, spoken]
No, she threw a peanut butter sandwich at you. I stopped it. With my head

[PERCY, spoken]
You're a good friend, Grover

[GROVER, spoken]
Aw, dude, I'm your only friend

[MRS. DODDS, spoken]
Percy Jackson!

[PERCY]
I knew something was up
When I heard my name get yelled

[ENSEMBLE]
The day it all went down

[PERCY]
I saw something odd in Mrs. Dodds' frown

[ENSEMBLE]
The day it all got weird

[PERCY]
The day I got expelled

[MRS. DODDS, spoken]
Mr. Jackson

[PERCY]
Woah-oh

[MRS. DODDS, spoken]
Mr. Jackson

[PERCY]
Woah-oh

[MRS. DODDS, spoken]
Mr. Jackson! Please see me by the sphinx

[PERCY, spoken]
Look, if this is about Nancy Bobofit, she only hates me because I stopped her from setting fire to those first-graders

[MRS. DODDS, spoken]
I have heard much about you Percy Jackson

[PERCY, spoken]
Oh, really? That's very dedicated for a substitute

[MRS. DODDS, spoken]
Kicked out of five schools in six years. One might question your parentage

[PERCY, spoken]
Hey, don't talk about my mom–

[MRS. DODDS, spoken]
And your father? Oh, that's right You don't know who he is!

[PERCY, spoken]
Hey, how do you know that?
Uh, Mrs. Dodds, you have something growing on your—

[MRS. DODDS transforms into a Fury.]

[ENSEMBLE]
Ahh!

[MR. BRUNNER, spoken]
What ho, Percy!

[MR. BRUNNER tosses PERCY a pen.]

[PERCY, spoken]
Mr. Brunner! What am I supposed to do with a pen?

[The pen turns into a sword.]

[PERCY, spoken]
Sword! Awesome!

[PERCY stabs MRS. DODDS with the sword. After, she and MR. BRUNNER vanish.]

[PERCY, spoken]
Mr. Brunner? Mrs. Dodds?
Um

[PERCY]
I didn't know what just had happened
Was that all a creepy crazy dream?
My teacher was a creature
Then she vanished in the ether
With a demon scream
The next thing that I knew
I was where detention was held
The day it all got real
The day I got
Expelled?

[MR. BRUNNER, spoken]
I tried, Percy, but the headmaster stands firm in his decision. You were supposed to stay with the group. And this was your final warning

[PERCY, spoken]
But it wasn't my fault, it was Mrs. Dodds! She lured me away, she attacked me, and you saw it!

[MR. BRUNNER, spoken]
Did I?

[PERCY, spoken]
Yeah, you gave me that pen! Only it wasn't a pen, it was a sword and... What?

[GROVER, spoken]
Percy, we've never had a teacher named Mrs. Dodds

[MR. BRUNNER, spoken]
Perhaps it's for the best. This wasn't the place for you. It was only a matter of time before—

[PERCY, spoken]
I got kicked out?

[MR. BRUNNER, spoken]
That's not what I was going to—

[PERCY, spoken]
Yeah, you think I'm trouble, just like everyone else

[MR. BRUNNER, spoken]
No, but... That is to say... I can only accept the best from you, Percy. Someday you'll understand why. I'm truly sorry

[PERCY, spoken]
Yeah. Well, I'm sorry I let you down

[GROVER, spoken]
Hey, maybe he's right. You never fit in at this school anyway. You're not exactly–

[PERCY, spoken]
Normal?

[GROVER, spoken]
Exactly! I mean, I'll see you on the bus

[PERCY]
So if you think you are a half-blood
Better get headed to the exits now
'Cause folks will think you're lying
Better run and don't start crying
'Cause you're monster chow
Or stick around and maybe you'll learn from me
This ain't Odysseus' Odyssey

[PERCY, ENSEMBLE]
So hear me out (Ooh, ooh)
If you're so compelled (Ahh)
But, nobody listens to me (Ooh)
They never listen
Nobody listens to me (Ooh)
They never listen, oh

[ENSEMBLE]
Dude, you got expelled

[PERCY, ENSEMBLE, ALL]
I didn't wanna be a half-blood (Expelled)
I didn't ask to be a half-blood
Expelled