POV - Interlude

I feel like it was a more recent thing. I used to smoke weed a lot, and then one day. And it's hard to say that and not sound like a douche.

(I used to smoke weed all the fucking time)

Nah I used to smoke a lot of weed, and then one time I just got some wild stuff that I think was laced and then ever since, I haven't felt the fucking same. And I talked to somebody about this recently, too. It's almost like you're watching your life but it's a movie. Like you're watching it happen. Like, I don't remember who I was talking to, but it's called depersonalization or something, and I was like, "You feel that way too?" and I was like, "Aw shit." I dunno. It's just super strange, man.

I love all my fans. I love all my supporters. I can't say that or stress that or express that enough. Y'all had helped me through the shit I go through. I deal with anxiety and depression and all that shit. Just cuz you got money don't mean that shit gon' solve nothin'. Money is the answer to certain problems, but it's not the answer to those type of problems. For anybody going through anything that they're going through, know that I go through the same shit. Money has not changed that. Like I said, I'm still the same motherf***er. Money has not changed that, but y'all have helped me through my issues and I hope my stuff helps y'all through your own issues and everything that you may go through, whether it be hearbreak, anxiety, depression, loneliness, detachment, every f---ing thing you're going through, I gotchu. I'm here and I'm holding your hand just like this. I'm here for you. We're gonna get through everything. We gon' get through this life.

Last time I had a real emotion problem was, there was this girl I used to be like damn near obsessed with middle school, and she was like my little girlfriend. We used to just like flirt and like each other a lot, and I remember and then I went to jail and I came home and she had herself a little boyfriend. She used to mail me and shit and cap, you feel me? And that was the last time I had some like real feelings.

I wasn't good enough for anything, like whatever I did. I just wasn't good. Yeah man, it's a psychological thing, I think. For anybody who feels like that, I just feel like I'm worthless. I'm nothing in this world. Anybody who feels that and then finds something that they're actually good at, I think that's what makes somebody go for that so hard.

I took a special gummy and my life changed forever. This all started 5 years ago when I took this gummy and I didn't feel anything for an hour. So I took another one and that's when everything changed. The effects ended up hitting me all at once, and I had the worst panic attack of my life. But it was just the beginning. Even days after the effects ended, I still felt spacey and detached from reality, like I was trapped in a dream. And next thing you know, months started to pass me by and I still felt the same. And I talked to people about it, but nobody understood what I was going through.

When I got into high school, I started to feel like this, "Okay, this is depression." I didn't have a name for it in my teenage years, but I knew that I was different than the kids around me, and I didn't quite know what it was. Anybody's who's been depressed knows that there's a big difference between "Hey I'm sad" or "My girlfriend broke up with me." What depression was is there was no real reason that I could point to. I lose interest in everything I used to like, I became very antisocial, I didn't wanna go out, and felt like numb. Like, people would talk to me and just go in one ear and out the other. And I was giving the minimal effort to get out of every conversation.

You know, I got problems with anxiety all day every day. Shit, I got anxiety right now. You know how sometimes your thoughts are just so clouded in your head. You got a million and one thoughts at one time, you damn want to scream. Like, there are so much times where my anxiety just get so overbearing and I'm just like what?