Poor Fool, He Makes Me Laugh/Il Muto

[CONFIDANTE]
They say that this youth has set my Lady's heart aflame!

[1st FOP]
His Lordship, sure, would die of shock

[2nd FOP]
His Lordship is a laughingstock!

[CONFIDANTE]
Should he suspect her, God protect her!

[ALL THREE]
Shame! Shame! Shame!

This faithless lady's bound for Hades!
Shame! Shame! Shame!

[CARLOTTA as Countess]
Serafimo—your disguise is perfect

[A knock at the door]

Why, who can this be?

[DON ATTILIO]
Gentle wife, admit your loving husband

My love—I am called to England on affairs of State
And must leave you with your new maid

(spoken aside)
Though I would happily take the maid with me

[COUNTESS, spoken aside]
The old fool is leaving!

(sung)
Serafimo—away with this pretence!
You cannot speak—but kiss me in my husband's absence!

Poor fool, he makes me laugh!
Hahahahahaha...
Time I tried to get a better better half!

[COUNTESS & ENSEMBLE]
Poor fool, he doesn't know!
Hohohohohoho...
If he knew the truth, he'd never, ever go!

[PHANTOM'S VOICE, spoken]
Did I not instruct that Box Five was to be kept empty?

[MEG, spoken (backstage)]
He's here: the Phantom of the Opera

[CHRISTINE, spoken]
It's him

[CARLOTTA, spoken]
Your part is silent, little toad!

[PHANTOM, spoken]
A toad, madame? Perhaps it is you who are the toad...

[CARLOTTA as Countess]
Serafimo, away with this pretence!
You cannot speak, but kiss me in my—!

[CARLOTTA croaks]

Poor fool, he makes me laugh
Hahahahaha!
Haha—

[CARLOTTA croaks repeatedly]

[CARLOTTA, spoken]
Mother! [?]

[FIRMIN, spoken]
Ladies and gentlemen, we apologize. The performance will continue in ten minutes' time... when the role of the Countess will be played by Miss Daaé. Thank you

[ANDRE, spoken]
Meanwhile, we'd like to give you the ballet from Act Three of tonight's opera

[Instrumental interlude]

[Screams]

[RAOUL, spoken]
Are you alright?

[CHRISTINE, spoken]
Raoul, we're not safe here

[FIRMIN, spoken]
Ladies and gentlemen, please remain in your seats. Do not panic. It's simply an accident... an accident...