Poker in the Sky

[Intro: Joe Budden & Joe's Grandfather]
Not too good, Joe. Not too good. [?]. No appetite, losing weight. In the bed, out the bed. I tell it like it is. Nothin' I can do about it
So who's runnin' the poker games?
I don't know. [?] did a good job and he's retired. I don't have the game I used to have. I'm giving up competing
You can't, you can't give up, you can't give up poker

[Verse]
Just tryna explain the unexplainable
More than tryna attain the unattainable, try and make it sustainable
Collectin' all the parts, see if they interchangeable
Killin' me slow, but I'm glad it's entertainin' you
Every day it amaze me
The same thinkin' that pay me the same thinkin' that plagues me
How can I think I'm crazy? Sway me
'Cause to profit off of shit that aches me is actually pretty wavy
Uh, I'm paintin' the perfect picture
Only perfect 'cause the imperfections are highlighted
To gross currency off of that kinda sickness
Changes the meaning of mind my business
Givin' what was given to me
So the soldiers come over unsober and call me Yoda instead of Joseph
I be like "why they come to me for advice?"
They should really come to me for a vice, I got 'em all
Got a counter full of liquor, pocket full of pills
The illusion of control, I can tell you how it feels
Accounts full of paper and the women I play wit'
All got criminal bodies, innocent faces
Come around and we have a ball, could have it all
Well, I ran out of Adderall, but that's a matter of a call, check it
Odds is they start tellin' me they hardships
Regardless, they end up wantin' hard dick, aww shit
You would think they'd been ordained
Got her legs in the air, she screamin' the Lord's name
I'm feedin' her more game, more game, more game
I started fuckin' her mind, that's when all them thoughts came
She keep sayin' if I want her I should fight for her
My plight for her, says I don't know if I'm right for her
Even so know there's a fire I ignite for her
Starin' at her ceiling, seeing me like I'm a nightcrawler
Uh, it's like she love me, but she don't (Word)
That's when she lose me, that's when she confuse me
It's what I get appalled wit', can't call it
She think I should remove her hurt since I installed it
But, I wish she knew I was perturbed too
Birds view, it hurt me more knowin' I hurt you
Even though it exists I don't ever bring it up
We don't be doin' nothin', but it's everything to us
Presently she bring up the past and it's filthy
You not talkin' to who I was or who I will be
But that's my own assignment
You wanna take all the feelings and the time spent and give it realignment
Check the catalog, lateral God
I self-sabotage, I'd explain further, but I'd rather not (Talk to 'em)
Salute, on me, everybody have a shot
I do it for the niggas they said wouldn't have a shot
But some days are better than some days
Still yet here I stand on numb legs
Women don't give a fuck that I have these scars
I'm fuckin' the same hoes that the athletes are
What a rollercoaster, we argued and we sexed (Uh)
Face in her box, James Harden in her texts
Nigga from the Clippers e'ry mornin' text her "good mornin'"
She be sleep, he just be talkin' to me, my nigga
None of this is a pain to see
I only care about her if she pertains to me
Shit, I'm tendin' to emergencies with urgency
That urge in me is my daily fight in her purgin' me
Fuck hoes, I ain't got time to be sprung now
Grandpa's cancer just made it to his lungs now
In 2012, docs gave him few months; wild
He's alive somehow, outlived 2 sons, wow
So now their observation
Says he'll die quicker with chemo and radiation
He ain't strong enough to even go through operation
Know that death's comin', he just in the house waitin'
So you tellin' me there ain't a way to fix the shit?
Or is grandpa too old for you to give a shit?
Let's switch the shit, give you my predicament
Wonder how you would feel if I was tellin' yours live with it
And it's travelin' to his heart soon
Of course it all hit me like a harpoon
I was in shock and then it was all clearer
When he called me and asked me to be his pallbearer
I was floored
But then the next second was back to being self-centered, self-absorbed
And it became about me, fought it off long enough
I could help carry your weight, but I ain't strong enough
But why do I have to be?
This the shit I be naturally askin' me, I'm such a catastrophe
See me breakin' down with my father in back of me
So for me to attend, I'm tryna think of a strategy
But I'm happy for my dad (Why?)
He was incarcerated when his mama didn't make it
So for him to get that chance again witchu
Means the world, he could be there 'til it end for you
And me (What?), I bleed out through this pen for you
Can't carry this around, gotta vent, it's due
'Cause now, grandpa'll be closer to his wife
Have cards when I come, we playin' poker in the sky

[Outro: Joe Budden & Joe's Grandfather]
[?]
You—you'll get it back
[?] Would you like to be a pallbearer? That's something to think about. Yeah, I'm not [?] Good to hear from you anyway. Take care
All right. You know I'll see you soon, Grandad
Oh, okay. Bye