Please Take the Girl

Arnie's Daddy said he'd take him fishin'
If he'd just dig the bait
He said: "Get lost, Dad, I'm watchin' mud wrestling
"Go jump in the lake
"Why don't you take that neighbour girl?
"The one that favours our dog."
His dad said: "Son, she might sink the boat
"She weighs more than our hog."
And Arnie said:

"She's got a tackle box that you'd kill for
"A ZebCo rod and reel
"She won the Junior Bass Masters Tourney
"And I just ate oatmeal
"And I'm afraid I might hurl
"Daddy, please, please take the girl."

Same limey boy, same large girl
Eleven years with no date
They finally married when they both realised
They'd get a big tax break
One night at the Laundrymat
Washin' underwear
A stranger pulled a water-gun;
Arnie soiled another pair, (Whoops.)
And whimpered:

Ain't got no money, in my wallet
She's got the credit cards
But they're all run up over the limit
Won't get you very far
And though her hair's up in curls, and she looks like Milton Burle
She ain't wearin' fake pearls
Mister please, please, please take the girl

Well she ain't bad when she gets a couple of coats of that cold
Cream on her, and a sack over her head

A toothless Arnie, a whale of a woman
Forty years down the tune
One day they found him with a shotgun
Buck-naked on the roof
Doctor's said: "He's lost his mind
"We'll have to take him away." (No o o o!)
As they strapped that straight jacket on him
Someone heard him say -- he babled out loud:

If you'd lived with her, long as I have
You'd be slap crazy too
She's the one that's really a psycho
More than a few screws loose
She's nutty as a squirrel;
Doctor, please, please take the girl

Get her outta here!

Arnie's Daddy said he'd take him fishin'
If he'd just dig the bait
Is it Tim McGraw or John Anderson
I'm trying to imitate?

I'm sorry Tim!