Penance

I have a question
You can't answer
I won't tell you
It's for the better
The way I learned was nights
Regretting my whole life
Coyotes call
High desert sunrise
I fly so far
Just to kill the time
A silent war
Is loudest in my mind
Why can't I just live with the past
And change my life

Gods forgive me
I am the reason
I can't promise
Things will be different
My odds are paper thin
This is my penance
To be the keeper
Of all my mistakes
And feelings

There's a voice outside your window
With the same face that you lied to
The cause of all that isn't right
Is something beyond the point that you would've recognized
A numbness rippled up and down
The shafts of light won't hide it now
Your hands all stained with shades of red
You weren't in control and now it weighs upon your head

Gods forgive me
I know the reason
I understand that this time will be different
Had tunnel vision for twenty years so
It's only now that I learned to let go
I wanted to love you but maybe I didn't
I guess that the distance you made was deliberate
Did I misunderstand when you wanted to be close
'Cause if I was wrong tell me how the hell would I know