Paul Blart vs. Chase McCain (Lego City Undercover) - AK Rap Battles!

Chase McCain:
It’s Officer McCain, reporting for duty!
No useless hunk of lard is gonna breeze through me
My skills would make you brick it - trust me, I’m an expert
If you’re steppin’ to Lego, then you’ll get hurt

Even with all that junk food you lob in your gob
I’m still the bigger cop on the block
I’m no loose cannon, but I’ll be popping off shots
That’ll make you buy the farm when this hog gets the drop

But let’s go back to when you first got fired
Couldn’t cross tires cause you got tired
You got reassigned to a dying mall
That’s a sadder segue than the one you’re riding on

HQ, there’s just one precaution needed
Evacuate Honey, ‘cause he’d probably eat him
What’s your partner ever done? Try to get rich?
He only cared about the diamonds like it’s the Simms

Paul Blart:
Dispatch! Eleven-four!
I’d like to report a nuisance at the Lego store
Mister, stop paying in studs… we don’t accept those anymore
This purchase is one more thing you won’t get credit for

I get why behind the wheel, you go nuts
But Dunby won’t appreciate *those* kinds of donuts
Making wrecks ‘cause you don’t tow the line
I thought you’d handle trucks better with those loading times!

You remind me of a story I used to cry over
It was Gamestop. Where gamers who perused the aisles
On Black Friday would lose their lives, and—
Wait a sec. He’s on the Wii U? Never mind, threat neutralized

Chase McCain:
You wanna talk games? You’d blow off your job
Even when terrorists try to bomb your mall
But don’t worry, your jokes are such awful schlock
That you’re a fossil no one would want to rob

Now I’ll hit you with a fun fact you can’t face
I’m racking up bands while you rack up band-aids
Yeah, I’d know about studs, I’m an expert with women
You’d get a ticket if there was a speed dating limit

Tryna get a second wife in your sad, pathetic life
But you’re only a “perfect match” when you keep getting strikes
You can’t keep an ex, and you can’t get your team far
No wonder she ditched you when she got her green card

Paul Blart:
And you drove your crush into witness protection
An ally for the prosecution, now left defenseless
She’s stuck working a dead end job
That fits with your prospects with her: a Red Cross

And speaking of Rex, that antagonist
Lived up well to his name when he left you with damages
Like the boxes he rips open, you couldn’t handle it
When he delivered a right hook you couldn’t grapple with

Then you went undercover, but your bosses are ahead of you
You’re slaving for the ice cream man so you can get your scoops
But you show no remorse when you steal your prize
It’s like your police badge was the REAL disguise!

Then they chewed your story up and spat it on a cartridge
The Chase Begins? It was over ‘fore it started
Tried to keep your name afloat by riding trends
But Dimensions can’t bring this toy to life again