Pal-at-Chee

When we was in the city we was wonderin' where to go
The sign spelled out PAL-YAT-CHEE there in lights above the show
We thought 'twould be a western till the stage lit up with light
And 97 people sung without a horse in sight
We couldn't understand 'em 'cause they spoke a foreign tongue
But we can give you some idea of what we think they sung:

"Ridi, Pagliaccio
Sul tuo amore infranto!"

All at once, there's a fat guy in a clown suit
'Tain't Hallerween, that's for sure
Then this here feller, this Punchineller
He begins to beller, like we all was deef!

"Ah, ha, ha, ha"

That was Pal-Yet-Chee, and he sung:

Invest in a tuba and somethin' or other about Cuba
He sung about a lady who weighed two hundred 'n' eighty
When she takes a powder he jest starts chirpin' louder
And he don't do a gol durn thing 'cept to stand up there and sing

When we listen to Pal-Yat-Chee we get itchy and scratchy
This sure is top corn, so we go and buy some popcorn
We hate to go back, but we cain't get our dough back
And there ain't no use complainin' 'cause outside it's a-rainin'

Seven hours later we're still in the dern theater
Takin' turns a-nappin', a-waitin' for somethin' to happen
Pal-at-Chee he ain't hurryin' but the folks on stage are flurryin'
And it sounds like Khachaturian's Sabré Dance

Then Ol' Pal-Yat-Chee finds a guy he's seekin'
Cheek to cheekin' with his wife, he grabs a knife
And stabs the louse who stole his spouse
And then he stabs the lady and himself -
'Tain't very sanitary
They all collapse, but ol' Pal-Yat-Chee sets up
Then he gets up, sayin' "I'm dyin', I am dyin. I am dyin'"
We start cryin' 'cause to tell the truth we're dyin' too

As the footlights fade out we see Pal-Yat-Chee laid out
But the dagger never caused it...
Pal-at-Chee was plumb exhausted!

"Ridi, Pagliaccio
Sul tuo amore...BURP!"