Outrospection

[Produced by Jxses]

[Verse 1]
I am my trauma
I grew up not having a lot
Went from not having much to not having at all
So, every time I got money it's a habit to floss
I want to know how it is to live magnificent but
Every time I tried it's like I'm not making enough
How you got money you're unable to touch
I'm scared to spend I don't flinch when the cable is off
With everything I made I'm not able enough
Raise in a humble household simple clothes, Sunday shoes
Now it just feels like I'm not wavy enough
My folks raised me with the information they got
There was no internet then not mental health Trend
My Pops was a decent man, hot tempered
Never spared the rod he used the cane for his children learn
And I physical fought my brothers and then I physical fought classmates and friends
Confrontational for every time I stretched my hands for those strokes of the cane that cause me pain and
Now I comprehend why I so violent and the only thing I fear got bullets in them
Son of my mother's old age she couldn't make the time
So, now I'm seeking attention from my feminine friends
In ways that could be baby like if you knew what the 80's like
The environment was crazy right kinda shit that you fight
Expose to girls in public schools, now I’m looking for girls that's kinda ghetto like
You know what the ghettos like
Thin waist, soft ynash, dark skin copyright
You know she’s going to fuck you right, tonight is your lucky night
You know you can’t trust her right, I couldn’t trust anyone
Couldn’t trust my mum to have food on the table after schoolwork was done
And no, I couldn't fault her She's the reason I won't falter rose you're an amazing mum
Trauma gave me my super power of overthinking shit
I think about it think again then overthink that shit
I know what's in their contracts before they print that shit
I thought about it before you thought about thinking of that shit
Always on my guard paranoia made me see that shit
See you moving funny like when my dad don't have no money
And he's trying to make me feel at ease
Scheming couldn't clip my wings
Dude was telling me to get a therapist to intercede
Every curse would come with a gift if you let it be
Won the battle with my demons locked ‘em up won't set ‘em free
Wrote my experiences on dairies now I’m writing them on songs either way
I will live on... I am my trauma

[Verse 2]
I just, I just, I just, I just
I just think I should say this now
A couple peeps wanna fade me out
Dear lord who's going to save me now
I got on my knees, and I prayed it out
Never counted on no man to make it out
I just made the route and i played it out
False prophets almost made me doubt
The wisdom that came from king David's house
Play this loud but don't make a sound
It still weighs on me like 80 pounds
Got a pair shoes for 80 thou
That's a hundred dollars that don't make me proud
Amazing how money changes out in different countries and the blame is ours
An economy made for only raising touts
Words that came from a baby's mouth
I got on my knees, and I prayed it out
She got on her knees and ate me out
Below water I’m a submarine
Above water I’m a navy scout
I don’t play fair cos the game is foul
The game is rigged I made a vow to make it out, the crazy route while they devour …