Out of the Frying Pan

[PERCY, spoken]
Severn cups white flour, three cups oatmeal, four cups brown sugar—packed. Two cups shortenin', four cups buttermilk, five cups apples—chopped. Tablespoon of cinnamon, teaspoon of salt, four large fresh eggs—beat. Heat oven—three fifty, grease up square pans, coffee cake for thirty-six... Damn!

(sung)
Got a recipe for disaster
Turn the stove a little higher
Then jump out of the fryin' pan
Right into the fire
Never ever cooked a meal
That didn't start its life out in a can
Yes, I'm the queen of TV dinnеrs
Pull me outta the fire, back in thе fryin' pan

Got my apron tied on backwards
And the oatmeal's boiled too long
Batch of breakfast biscuits burnin'
And the coffee is too strong
There's so much butter in the batter
It would probably stop the heart of Superman
Serve up a side of indigestion
Slide me outta the fire, back in the fryin' pan

Order up, order up, order up!

[SHELBY, spoken]
What's this?

[PERCY, spoken]
Eggs over easy, hash browns, and bacon.

[SHELBY, spoken]
Oh.

[PERCY, spoken]
Why? What's the matter?

[SHELBY, spoken]
Which is the bacon?

[PERCY]
Got this lumpy pancake batter
And the eggs are all hard fried
What the hell could be the matter?
Smells like somethin' evil died
I swear this corn beef hash
Could make me turn into a vegetarian
Add a touch too much Tabasco
And I'm outta the fire, back in the fryin' pan

[SHELBY, spoken]
Percy, Effy sent her oatmeal back.

[PERCY, spoken]
Why?

[SHELBY, spoken]
It's a little thick. She could get the spoon in but she can't get it back out.

[PERCY]
I forgot to flip the bacon
And the sausage is still raw
And the coffee cake I'm makin'
Might just be against the law
I hear the sirens wail
It probably would be better if I ran
But there's another dozen orders
Get me outta the fire, back in the fryin' pan

(spoken)
So, you think I'm losin' Hannah's customers?

[SHELBY, spoken]
Oh, they'll come back.

[PERCY, spoken]
Pretty loyal, huh?

[SHELBY, spoken]
There's nowhere else to eat.

[PERCY]
Yes, I can hear the sirens wail
I really should've quit before I began
But there's a sink of dirty dishes
Get me outta the fire
Back in the fryin' pan!
Man!