Oh, Dear God

I always do what I ought not to
I'm drinking from the holy water
I'm making up some holy scriptures
And showing them to all the sisters

Oh, Dear God
Turn me around

I've been making misdemeanors
Out in public with my penis
I got a rocket set on Venus
I'll take a missus and I'll make a cheater

Oh, Dear God
Turn me around

Yeah, oh, oh, yeah

Oh, Dear God
Turn me around

[Spoken Word]

It's a funny thing
I-

I did it the other day for the first time
I was going for a jog in the west end
Here in lovely Vancouver
There was rainbows everywhere

And I ran past the apartment building
In which I was stuffed violently
Into a petite bachelor suite
With my first love

I came home late one night
I crawled into bed
With the booze on my breath

She stirred to half-wakefulness
Then she said "Baby, are you gonna leave me?"
I said "Yes, I am, now that you put it like that"

I got the confidence from the bottle
So she went to the washroom
Into the tub with no water

Dry porcelain
Chafing
Heartbreak
Dry porcelain

And she flailed and convulsed
And she wretched and she heaved
And she shrinked and she cried
And she bemoaned the demise

Of our pitiful naive union
That's impossible to properly support
At that young age

I sat on the toilet
And I watched the mess in the bathtub
And I thought "How the fuck am I going to resolve this situation?"

"I'm just gonna take everything back
I made a grave mistake
This is utterly wrong
This is the platform for eternal bliss"

Finally, she dried up
In a good way
Came back to bed
Into my arms

And we suffered for two years
Until next time I attempted the same stunt
I followed through

So, upon running past the apartment building
In the west end, with all the rainbows
I was flooded with this disturbing nostalgia

And it was almost like a fallen angel
Or some disciple of Satan
Came down and possessed my right arm

And he did it
And that was the first time I had ever done it in my whole life
And I'm sure I did it wrong
And I think that's just how it was meant to be

I've been awfully awful lately
Overstated and unstately
Overbearing and bare-naked
People don't know how to take it

Oh, Dear God
Turn me around

Yeah