Nostalgia Critic’s The Wall: NOT GOOD

[Intro: Anthony Fantano, Cal Chuchesta]
*burp* Are you ready?
Ready, Freddie!
Okay.

[Verse 1: Anthony Fantano]
We don't need this lameass album
Just seems like you're trying to troll
Hope you wrote big checks to Scallon
Critic, leave The Wall alone

[Pre-Chorus: Anthony Fantano & Cal Chuchesta]
Hey! Critic! Leave The Wall alone!

[Chorus: Anthony Fantano]
All in all, it's just not very funny at all
All in all, it's just not very funny at all

[Verse 2: Anthony Fantano]
We don't need this awful album
Wondering if you have a soul
Hope you made it rain on Scallon
Critic, leave The Wall alone

[Pre-Chorus: Anthony Fantano & Cal Chuchesta]
Hey! Critic! Leave The Wall alone!

[Chorus/Review Transition: Anthony Fantano]
All in all, it's just not very funny at all
All in all, it's just⁠ not—
GOOD
It's NOT GOOD.

[Review: Anthony Fantano]
What—what is this? Why does this exist? A parody album of Pink Floyd's The Wall that is essentially a critique of the movie but also the music. I guess just the "Wall" franchise in general.

And not that you have to like The Wall. You don't. You don't have to like the wall. You really, truly don't. And I guess one upside to this project is that it gives me insight to what The Wall sounds like to people who hate The Wall. Not that I worry about or run into a whole lot of people who hate The Wall, but I guess this is how bad it sounds bad to someone who doesn't like it. And it certainly sounds bad.

This sounds bad. This is terrible. The singing is shit. The only listenable quality about it is the fact that ⁠— uh ⁠— the man, Mr. Rob Scallon, did a pretty faithful reinterpretation. Really just ⁠a uh-ruh-uh-ruh... A redo of the original instrumentation... Of the... Of the album. It's a little thin. Sounds a little cheap. Sounds like it wasn't ⁠— uh ⁠— produced very lovingly. Uh, maybe more quickly. But, uh, it's... It's really just a shitty satirical "parody" album. So I don't expect ⁠— sort of ⁠— high gloss production coming out of this thing. But... Why?

I mean, the critiques are just so... Not all that substantive. Maybe in a usual review, they would have come out better. But these are the kinda critiques you would write up if you just hated this record, you hated this movie for some inexplicable reason. Like, um... I dunno'... There was a kid i-in school with a The Dark Side of the Moon shirt who used to beat you up for your lunch money. Or, uh, The Wall was playing on TV when your dad left to go get cigarettes for that one last time and you never saw him again.

I-I feel like just saying, "Certain points of this film are pandering, and this and that and the other thing" are just really weak observations of... Of what The Wall is, what Pink Floyd were trying to do, the context that it was written in. Uh... It's just really ⁠— uh ⁠— super weak, and boring, and ⁠— again I'll say ⁠— lame. Lame as fuck.

I hope I never hear ⁠— not even a second of sound from ⁠— this ever again. Because it really, truly does suck ass. And, um... Yeah. Doesn't sound good. Not funny. Not witty. Not profound in its observations. Just really petty, if you could be such a thing in a review of a record by a band that is decades and decades and decades old, even before Doug's time. Because Doug can't be that much older than me. And while I do enjoy The Wall, I didn't grow up with The Wall. It's something that I sought out as I was going through the tomes of rock music. Y'know, there was never really a point in my life where I was conflicted and had to be faced with The Wall, as ⁠— uhuh ⁠— a piece of pop-culture because it's always been something of the past to me. And why something that is so far before your time even matters this much to you ⁠— matters this much ⁠— is beyond me.

Ugh, this is... This is terrible. I really don't have anything else to say. This is... This is one of the worst things. This is really, truly one of the worst things. And, um, I just need to move onto something else. In order to ⁠— uh, uh, just, uh ⁠— live a better life. Because, if I dive too deeply into how terrible this is and everything that makes this bad Imma have a panic attack. Imma have a fuckin' panic attack right here, on camera. And, um, I don't wanna have that. I would, uh, like to, uh, HAHA, maintain, hoohuh, maintain, uuuuuh, a somewhat sane demeanor in front of you guys.

So, uh, this... Whatever you call it... It's NOT GOOD.