No Laughing in Heaven

I used to be a sinner used to have my cake and eat it
They warned me of my fate but I was quite prepared
To meet it
You'll go to Hell they smiled at me
And told me of the roaring fires
But I was happy living wild
And fuelling my own desires
I was a wild man
Drinking, smoking and messing around with women
Lots of women
No, not swimming, women

I wanna go to Heaven
The place to be is right up there
I wanna go to Heaven
It's gonna be good so I won't despair

I decided to reform and pray
Beg mercy for my soul
I prayed in Church
Threw away my bad habits
Prayed out of Church
Adopted an entirely different role
I gave money to the poor
Until I was poor
But at least I ensured
That I would go up there
Instead of down below
To the inferno
Where the evil flames of desire
Burned higher and higher and higher

I'm gonna go to Heaven
Paid my dues so I'm getting in
I'm gonna go to Heaven
It's looking good if I abstain from sin

I knocked on the pearly gates
Neatly side-stepping the long queue
Waved hi to St. Peter
Who checked my card and let me through
I smiled
Threw my hands in the air
Laughed
And got arrested
The said 'hey man, you're in the wrong place
You behaviour is a disgrace
Here we pray every hour
On the hour
Read extracts from the Bible
And look solemn'
What says I, no party
No party
Let me out

Let me out of Heaven
I got it wrong no I can't stay here
No laughing in Heaven
Let me out, I just can't stay here

Well I ran around in a state of shock and panic
This wasn't what I expected
Here was what looked like a bunch of manic-depressives
Can I get a transfer I screamed
But no
Once you're in Heaven, you're here for good
The good of your soul
But that's no good to me
If you want to go to Hell
You've really got to be bad
Okay okay, I'll be bad, I'll be bad
Too late
What do you mean too late
Too late
No
In the meantime

Let me out of Heaven
I've got it wrong, no I can't stay here
No laughing in Heaven
Oh god it's awful here
Going crazy in Heaven
Take me out let me go to Hell
No laughing in Heaven
Don't laugh this place is Hell