No Irish Need Apply

I'm a decent boy just landed from the town of Ballyfad
I want a situation, yes, and wants it very bad
I seen employment advertised - "It's just the thing," says I
But the dirty spalpeen ended with 'No Irish Need Apply'

"Woah," says I, "but thats an insult, though to get the place I'll try"
So I went to see the blaggard with his 'No Irish Need Apply'
Some may think it a misfortune to be christened Pat or Dan
But to me it is an honor to be born an Irishman

Well I started out to find the house, I got it mighty soon
There I found the old chap seated, he was reading the Tribune
I told him what I came for, when he in a rage did fly
"No!" he says, "you are a Paddy, and no Irish need apply"

Well I gets my dander risin', I'd like to black his eye
To tell an Irish gentleman, 'No Irish Need Apply'
Some may think it a misfortune to be christened Pat or Dan
But to me it is an honor to be born an Irishman

Well I couldn't stand it longer, so ahold of him I took
And I gave him such a whelping as he'd get at Donnybrook
He hollered "Milia murther," and to get away did try
And swore he'd never write again 'No Irish Need Apply'

Well he makes a big apology, I bid him then good-bye
Saying "when next you want a beating, write 'No Irish Need Apply'"
Some may think it a misfortune to be christened Pat or Dan
But to me it is an honor to be born an Irishman