No Holidays

I was a statue in a time lapse for some time
Far from a monument
I was far from a man that deserved that type of honor
That type of acknowledgement
I was stuck staring at a kid that I never knew
I’d fuck myself up if I met me at 22
I met me at 30
He told me if you want the good in life then that bad’s worth hurdling
Path’s been murky, through the water and mud
The bread crumbs, didn’t lay out enough
I guess finding my way home ain’t as important to me as it may be to some
I was chasing the sun
No direction, no reason except to see a different reflection
Of how that light hit when that tide comes in
That ocean, no I hadn’t seen yet
Pacific was once my goal in the playback
Type to blame my problems on the place I stay at
And I ain’t convinced that this isn’t entirely true
But once I am, I’ll make my way back
Never was a kid that wanted to face facts
Never was a bitch, the homies, you can ask
And only for good reason
The kid that spit on my sister in the taxi, ripped em’ out, he caught a beating
Piece of shit, that’s family first
Respect, one of the pieces of me that still works
The other being my memory
And it works too well, I still see her
Fine line between feasible and fantasy world
The day we met, I knew I would abandon this girl
At least that’s what she thought
Never had her hands up in the fight
She was covering her heart (no holidays)

[Chorus]

Holidays
No holidays
Holidays
Throw it all away
Holidays
No holidays

I painted on her dimples
Her teeth was made of tinsel
Decorate what we been through

[Interlude]

…You know it’s crazy

How you can’t want something so bad, but it doesn’t mean shit, if the people you care about aren’t there…

Used to see hotels as a getaway
Now they’re just cold rooms off the interstate
As a kid, place I’d kill to stay
Now they only remind me how long I’ve been away
Biggest mistake, traveled the world
Cause she was the only one 'til I found there was more
I never should’ve looked
Should’ve stayed put
Should’ve had no interest in what else there was
I went in the woods
Never made it out
But taught myself to hunt & machete’d a new route
Learned a lot about me
Like how much I really did depend on you
I didn’t like it, and I realized it just now
On a scale, weighing out the high’s from the come down’s
Wondering if I knew now what I knew then
If it would even make a difference
Like, would I even apply the information?
Shaking my head yes, but ain’t really paying attention
I was listening unless you caught me
Always want someone to want me
Cigarettes and coffee
I’ll risk the cancer for this conversation if you’re offering
I lived a lifetime in a week
No place setting, no seat at the family feast